For what it's worth

Chapter 30

For the rest of the evening I ignore contact with Lando as much as possible. Once the night came to a close we said our goodbyes to everyone and got in the car to go home. I drove home because I didn't drink any alcohol and lando did, he wasn't drunk but just to be safe. It was an awkward silence for the first half of the car ride until I broke the silence.
"I'm surprised you even let me drive the McLaren"
"I mean I didn't have a choice did I"
The awkward silence filled the car again. I could tell he was angry, or annoyed, at this point maybe even both.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask nervously.
"I mean, do you want to because I feel like I don't have much to say here, you do though"
"What am I meant to say"
"What ever you want to tell me"
"I don't know what to say"
"You came home drunk in his cloths and now he's texting you complements at dinner!"
"Yes...."
"Do you not get it? That's the shit we used to do when you worked with me!! The sneaky texts and looks at dinner, you wearing my cloths to track, and now you're doing all those things with him?" He said in annoyed tone.
"So you think I'm sneaky around with him?"
"I don't want to think that but it kind of seems like it yes"
"He got my number somehow today, we always only contacted each other over Instagram DM and he rang me and asked to go to dinner which I obviously declined and told him I was taken!! Then you invited him for dinner, so that's not my problem and the text, I don't know I can't control the text I get and who I get them from, and the drunk coming home in his cloths thing is really not a big deal !! Even look at my Instagram DM's !! That night I text him asking why I wasn't in my own cloths. I'm not sneaking around with Daniel fucking Riccardo!!" I say in an annoyed raised voice throwing my phone onto his lap. He just sits looking at me in shock. I don't think he was expecting my reaction and to be honest neither was I.
"I- ammm I don't know" he says in a whisper.
"No no because you are so worried about it look at the DM's and the texts between us... and then you'll see that it's all work related up until 2 hours ago when he sent that one"
He hesitated to pick my phone up but finally does.
"I don't want to do this, I feel bad I feel like I shouldn't be doing this"
"There's no other way for you to believe and I'm not hiding anything so I don't care"
"..... password?" He asks softly almost scared to ask.
"131199"
"...my birthday" he says in almost a question
"Ok" I say with a fake smile.
"I do trust you by the way, just in case you are thinking I don't"
"Ok" I say again trying to hold my tears back. I can't believe we are fighting. One week into our relationship and we are fighting. Maybe we just aren't meant to be together. I mean he deserves to be happy and maybe I'm just not who's meant for him. As much as I want to be maybe I'm not. Once we get home I go straight upstairs and go to the spare bedroom. I didn't know why but going into Landos room just didn't feel right at the moment.
"You ok" lando asks as I walk up the stairs.
I ignore him and he walks to the kitchen. I get to the spare room and change from my dress into an oversized t-shirt and get into bed. Unable to sleep I just lay there in my own thoughts. As much as I wanted things with Lando to work out I just couldn't help thing he deserves better. After some time passes I hear the door of the room open. It has to be lando so I don't move and keep my eyes closed hoping he thinks I'm sleeping. I really didn't want to talk to him right now.
"Are you awake?" He whispers walking closer to me.
I stay silent.
"I'm not letting you sleep in here alone" he says picking me up to carry me back to his room. I still don't say anything. As he walks out carrying me my head hits off the door.
"Ow" I mumble
"I'm sorry" he says trying not to giggle.
"I was sleeping why didn't you just leave me there"
"If you think I'm letting you sleep in a cold bedroom alone your going insane"
"I was comfy"
"Lies, it's cold in there"
"I like the cold"
"Again lies"
"I can walk" I say now opening my eyes
"No need I got you, nearly there anyways"
"This is so Unnecessary I was fine sleeping there"
"Stop complaining"
"Stop fighting with me" I snap back as he puts me down in his room.
"We aren't fighting... are we?"
I stay silent. If we aren't fighting then what is it? Arguing? But that's basically fighting? A disagreement? But again that's just a nice way to say fighting. All of a sudden I feel my eyes starting to burn.
"Wowowow, don't cry come here" lando says grabbing me into a hug as I stand frozen with tears streaming down my face. Why was I so emotional? Nothing had happened? It wasn't even a big fight, it was a small argument.
"What's wrong?" Lando asked still holding me in a hug.
"I- I don't know I'm being emotional for no reason" I sob.
Lando stays quite just holding me to comfort me. After a few moments I whip my tears away and realize how dramatic I am being. I start to giggle in my realization.
"Laughing ? Crying? Happy? Sad? I'm confused" lando says looking at me.
"I- I'm not even sure myself. I don't know" I say still giggling.
"Crazy person, I swear"
"Shut up" I say getting into bed throwing a pillow at him.
I put my head on his chest and to comfort me he plays with my hair. Tonight was the last time we could be alone together until after the next race. Even though we shared a hotel room we both knew that with our busy schedules we wouldn't get time alone together unless it was to sleep.
"Busy week ahead" I say to break the silence.
"I'll still make time for you" He adds
"Do not skip meetings and interviews to see me, Emily would kill me if she found out, and I think it's clear to say she's not really my biggest fan" I giggle.
"I can't make any promises sorry"
"If I get a podium you better be standing with my team and not Daniels" he adds
"So you think you'll get a podium?" I say sarcastically.
"So you think I won't?" He answers in the same sarcastic tone.
"Woooowww I never said that" I laugh.
"Just be there when if I do please." He adds more serious.
"Lando I'll be there no matter where you place P20 or P1"
"Please don't put my name and P20 in the same sentence that gives me like crippling anxiety"
"Sorry" "but you know what I mean" I say.
After a while more of talking we both fall asleep.