Tainted Perception | Wilbur Soot Angst (ORIGINAL)

Fine

TW: Derealization, swearing

A/N: Bit late, procrastination does that. Also, thank you @loliepop08 for helping me... edit? I dunno, moral support. 

 He was not fine. His mind was still running in circles over the decision he would have made. The decision that showed just how strong his willpower was, or how weak. Why couldn't his life be just normal? Why did he have to deal with the consequences of someone else's decisions? It could have been anyone in the entire world? Why him? Why did someone get to decide who he was and how his story was written?

A bitter taste coated his tongue as he thought of the man who had caused it all. No one gave him the right to decide his fate. No, the man had ripped someone's choice out of their hands without a second thought. Just like me. The realization dawned on him like a slap in the face. He had done the exact same thing to Tommy, to Tubbo, to Niki. He had decided for all of them that L'Manburg should no longer exist. Essentially ripping their lives away without a second thought. Just like him. Tears pricked at his eyes as he turned to the very confused man next to him.

"Phil, Phil I think I'm a bad person." His voice broke.

"What- what do you mean, mate? You- you're a wonderful person! You- you helped so many- so many people! I-"

"You- you don't understand, Phil! I- I stood by while people were killed around me! I stood by while my brother was executed! I caused chaos on purpose for my- for my own selfish reasons! I hurt people! It wasn't some fake Wilbur or- or a trick, it was me! I did those things! Me! I'm a bad person!"

"Mate, that- that wasn't real!"

"See- see everyone is telling me that, that it was just in my head, that it was fake, but it was- it was real to me, Phil! It was real to me!"

"You were in a unique position, okay? And that- that wasn't you, okay? I know Wilbur- I know you! You are sweet, and loving, and compassionate, and kind, and so, so many things, okay? That- that doesn't define you! You were put into a lose-lose situation and there was no end in sight! Just because- just because-"

"Just because what, Phil? Just because that was a supposedly fake world? Just because it was a 'unique situation?' You don't understand, Phil! I have- I have lived two lives! I- I remember feeling elated as I watched my country crumble! I remember feeling betrayed as Eret led us to our deaths! But I also remember singing to Pigstep with you, Tommy, and Techno! I remember making terrible bee puns in the morph mod video! I remember 'hacking' MCC with Niki! It's all mixed up! I don't know what's real, Phil. I don't know what's real anymore. For fuck's sake, I've died, Phil!"

Tears pricked at Wilbur's eyes as he yelled. As he screamed at the universe for dealing him such terrible cards, as he demanded some sort of answer to all of his questions. But there was none. The universe stayed quiet, and Phil stood in front of him in stunned silence, neither knowing what to say.

"I'm sorry," Wilbur said quietly, wiping his nose.

"You- you don't have to apologize. You have- you have every right to- to say that."

"I- I really- I really don't, you don't deserve- you don't deserve- you don't deserve that. I- I shouldn't have yelled at you." Regret filled his tone as he voiced his guilt. And once again he felt like a scared little boy, desperate for approval, terrified of rejection.

-

Techno wasn't sure what to do with himself. Everyone seemed to have some form of tradition to complete on the anniversaries of Wilbur's disappearance. Whether it was calling the man, texting him, rewatching old videos, they all did something. But he just sat there, staring at an empty screen contemplating existence. Finally finding the willpower to touch the keyboard, he logged into Minecraft, might as well do something they both enjoyed.

Normally he wasn't much of a nostalgic person, he lived in the present, but something about seeing the old servers they used to play on sparked a chord in his heart.

-

"To everyone that's here, I'm sure you're all aware of the dine map, and its current form. If we could all just have a look on map.smpearth.com." Wilbur stated, sounding quite regal.

"Oh, it's beautiful," Techno joked.

"You may see that, um, Antarctic Empire owns quite a lot, I'd say a good- a good 70% of the Earth's surface," Will paused, letting that soak in. "Now-" Techno cut him off.

"We left a bunch of the ocean, it's fine." He ignored him.

"This- this isn't against any server rule, this isn't against anything at all, this is completely within their rights, but, I'm happy to say it probably is a war crime."

"How is it a war crime?! Objection!" Techno, well, objected. "Which- which crime has been committed?"

"You've just invaded every country on the map," someone pointed out.

"It appears that they actually illegally put their countries within my borders," he denied.

"Technoblade- uh, Technoblade would you like to begin your defence? If you'd like to just- just tell us why you don't- why you think you're not the traitorous pig your skin suggests you are?" The group gasped at Wilbur's jab.

"I feelin' a bit of racial profiling here, I mean, in my defence, no rules were broken at any point, therefore, I'm not a criminal. And also, you're all on my land, this is very rude, I did not give you permission. I'm gonna have to tax all of you to be here, a couple diamonds..." (there was a cut in the footage between the "racial profiling" line and the "in my defence," so I just went with it)

The proceedings were chaotic and hilarious. With floating allies, ridiculous claims, and betrayals that would forever scar him. Well, maybe not that last one. Arlus was really only part of their group for like thirty minutes. Either way, it was funny, and totally worth it. 

As always thank you so so so so so much for all of the support! Have a wonderful day/night and take care of yourself (that includes sleeping and eating/drinking)!