Tainted Perception | Wilbur Soot Angst (ORIGINAL)

Apologies

TW: Swearing, derealization

A/N: I realized while writing the last chapter that I hadn't done a Techno POV in the story before that, idk, just thought that was weird. 

 Wilbur's outburst had been a couple of hours ago, and Phil just couldn't seem to get it off his mind. Of course he couldn't. One of his best friends, someone who used to joke around about being his son, had just revealed how inhumane the experience he was put through was. And he had probably only scratched the surface. Phil had only gotten the few sentences Will had yelled before he had lost his nerve, and it sounded horrific.

But, unfortunately, knowledge was a double edged sword. With it came guilt, guilt and fear. Fear of messing up, fear of letting Wilbur down. So he didn't say anything. He stayed quiet, leaving the house cloaked in silence. Two people in a house, together, but alone.

But he needed to say something, anything. Opening his mouth, he realized a couple seconds too late, that he didn't know what he could say. What could he say? How could he apologize for his ignorance? How could he possibly make up for all of his mistakes? He had made so many. Tears pricked at his eyes as he thought about all of the lost time. It was a precious thing, once it was gone, there was no way to get it back. Swallowing thickly, he started with the simplest phrase, the same thing said to him a couple hours earlier.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

-

Wilbur was absorbed in his own thoughts, not quite thinking, not quite not. He was in his own world, suspended in nothingness. It was peaceful. He didn't want to delve into the vast sea that was his mind. Filled with memories, nightmares, and primal instincts. It was so easy to drown. So easy to submerge himself in the inky depths and never surface again. He didn't want to sink.

He wasn't quite sure why his brain had reacted the way it did, why he had lashed out. He regretted it. Every fiber of his being was shouting at him that something was wrong. Something was out of place. Why was Phil being so kind? Why wasn't Tommy mad at him? Why didn't they know just how messed up he was? How could they not see the evil that gripped his heart? So close to consuming him.

"You are sweet, and loving, and compassionate, and kind." Why did Phil say that? If anything he was the polar opposite. He was dangerous. He was to blame for so many bad things. He hurt people. Whether it was real or not was irrelevant, he had been willing, even eager to. He had stood by while chaos unfurled. He had smiled as explosions went off around him. He had laughed at Tommy's fear. He had embraced madness. Good people don't do that. Sweet, loving, compassionate, and kind people, don't purposely cause pain.

He had had no good reason to blow up L'Manburg. They had won! He could have just accepted the win! But no, he had to go and ruin it. Just like everything else he had ever touched. His family would have been perfect without him. He just dragged them down. No wonder Phil had left him, only returning when he was hanging by his last thread. Just in time to see him fail. Just in time to see him destroy his life's work. Twelve years too late to fix his mistakes.

"I'm sorry." Wilbur's head shot up. Phil was staring at him, tears glistening in the corner of his eyes, threatening to fall. Confusion fell over Will's features, and for a second, he wondered if Phil somehow knew what he was thinking.

"Wh- what for?" he asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer. He couldn't be back, he couldn't be back there, he had died. There was no way. Phil remained silent for a second, considering his words. Like a dam that had finally broken, the words tumbled out of the man's mouth.

"Fucking everything! I'm sorry for not trying harder. I'm sorry for giving up on you. I'm sorry that I didn't help you more. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that. I'm sorry that we couldn't find you faster. I'm sorry that that man got to you in the first place. I'm sorry for-"

"Phil! Phil!" Wilbur interrupted. Their tears both fell freely now, neither bothering to wipe them away. "It's- it's not your fault." The words were true, at least in this reality. "You did everything you could, okay? It's not your fault," he repeated. "It's not your fault."

-

Although Phil didn't know, he had unintentionally given Wilbur a bit of closure. Yes, this wasn't the same man that Will had felt so much spite for, it wasn't the same man that had abandoned him when he needed him the most. But, they held the same role as father figure, and they couldn't be more different.

Have a wonderful day/night, take care of yourselves!