What I Wish You Knew | ꪜ

Chapter Fifty Three

To Me,

53. I wish you knew how strong you were.

This chapter may be upsetting for some readers. There are mentions of suicide that may be triggering to most people, please read with caution.

Hayley's POV

"Mrs. M! How was your time off." She flashed me a toothy smile and sat down at the edge of her seat. "It was fun, I got to spend some time with my husband." She placed her clipboard down onto the centre table and cleared her throat, "Uhm, Hayley I have something that I want to share with you."

"What? What is it?"

She lowered her gaze as her hands came to rest against her stomach comfortably, "my husband and I–well we're actually having a baby." It felt as if springs were strapped to the soles of my feet as I went leaping into the air.

"Congratulations Mrs. M I'm so happy for you!" I don't know what time I made it across the room but soon enough I found myself enveloping her in a tight hug. When Drayton brought me to my first session with Doctor Maxine I absolutely hated her.

It had nothing to do with her as a person but more so with my view on mental health specialists. In the Black and Asian community, the mental health stigma is so blatant that they've conditioned us into believing that our illnesses are all in our heads and that mental health professionals are unworthy of our trust.

Of course all around the world, this societal viewpoint on mental health does exist but growing up in a household with the two ethnicities that look down upon it the most isn't the greatest environment for such a topic.

And that's why my father never got the help that he needed. It's also why I hated Doctor Maxine. I was convinced she'd never be able to help me and she'd just relay everything I've said to Drayton and break my trust. But she's none of that. In fact, she's more and better. She's been somewhat of a mother figure in my life and she's helped me in more ways than I'm willing to admit.

"I know you're going to make an amazing mother, Mrs. M, I'm so happy for you." When I pulled away from her arms, I could tell that she knew something was slightly off with me. Of course, she does, she's been my psychiatrist for three years, going on four. She knows me like the back of her hand.

"Thank you, Hayley. That means a lot to me. But aside from this, we're not here for me but for you. So tell me," she brushed my hair away from my face, "what happened?" I know she's been waiting for this moment since the day I've walked into her office. Finally, I'm ready to tell her everything.

I'm ready to let go of the past and rewrite my future. "I saw my mother last Saturday. She was at Parker's house where they held an announcement party for his brother. She was there with her husband or boyfriend–I don't know. I confronted her, I told her everything that I've been holding back for the past few years."

The look on her face was priceless, to say the least. I don't think she expected that to have happened but neither did any of us. "H–how do you feel? I know that seeing the person who traumatized you as much as your mother can be triggering."

I found my way back towards the couch. "I had a panic attack but it's because everything happened so fast. It was like a punch in the gut and I had no time to react. But truthfully Mrs. M, I'm okay. You always told me to confront my problems instead of pushing them aside for later.