What I Wish You Knew | ꪜ

Chapter Seventeen

To Drayton,

17. I wish you knew you were more of a parent to me than my parents ever were.

Three years ago
Hayley's POV

"Hayley, please come out of the room, I just–I just want to talk to you." Hearing his voice pleading for me to come out made my heart ache more than I expected it to. I didn't want him to see me in such a mess when I've been putting on this facade that I'm strong when in reality I'm not.

I buried my face in my pillow, hoping that he would just go away. I feel guilty enough that he has to take care of me now that our mother is gone, but knowing that he'll be stuck and burdened by my presence when he never asked for it made me pity him. I just want him to live his own life. 

For him and only him. 

"Hayles. . .I know you can hear me. I'm trying to respect you and give you your space but this is getting ridiculous. Look, sis. I know that we haven't been close ever since I went off to college and now I'm back in your life taking on the role as your guardian and that may be frustrating and hard for you but please. . .don't shut me out."

I flickered my eyes open, cowering under the pastel walls that stared back at me blankly. Does he think him being back is a burden to me? That's not true. What's frustrating is me, to the point where my father decided to take his life without saying goodbye to his only child and then my mother walking out on me the moment my brother comes home from College.

Am I that unbearable? Did I drive everyone around me so crazy that they ran away the first chance they got? My own parents left without so much as a goodbye so who's Drayton compared to them? He's only my brother, eventually, he'll leave just like everyone else.

I'll give him over three years before he realizes that I'm not worth it.

I'm not worth taking care of.

I'm not worth worrying about.

I'm nothing.

My parents made that clear.

"If you don't open the door I'll sleep there tonight." Why won't he just go away? He might as well start now instead of waiting. I promise I won't hold it against him. 

There was a loud bang on the door, followed by a painful cry and Drayton swearing under his breath. Realizing now that he won't leave, I decided to let him in. "Oh! You opened the door," he hopped on one leg, both hands gripping his knee tightly.

With a shake of my head, I pivoted on my heels to face away from him, "I only opened the door because you're an idiot." The door clicked shut behind me, "I'm gonna ignore that insult and do a little happy dance that you opened the door." He suddenly began to rock his hips from side to side in a sad attempt at dancing. 

I smiled softly, unable to stand his ridiculousness, "hey! And she smiles." Shaking my head in disbelief, I slumped down onto my bed, watching as Drayton followed in suit behind. "You look so much like mom, sometimes I forget she made you with your dad." 

"And you look nothing like mom," I mumbled.

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, "well she always said I'm the spitting image of my father. It's funny how she hates the guy and I look exactly like him. Ironic right?" It is ironic because in the 13 years I've lived on this earth, I've never once seen our mother embrace Drayton as a son.