What I Wish You Knew | ꪜ

Chapter Four

To Parker,

04. I wish you knew how much something so small could mean to me.

Hayley's POV

"My suggestion is anger management classes. Well, it's more so a demand than a suggestion. I've already spoken to your brother and he agrees that it's best." Doctor Maxine resumed jotting down notes into her notepad as if she hadn't just delivered the most gut-wrenching news to me.

"EXCUSE ME!?" At my outburst, she sighed and narrowed her eyes in my direction, mirroring Drayton's disappointed glare.

"Hayley, you verbally attacked your old friend. You slapped your best friend and then you punched a locker. Now, don't get me wrong, I know you did those things out of frustration but your sudden burst of motivation for vengeance is because you stopped the medication of your own free will. I'm being honest here, Hayley. I don't trust you anymore."

Her gaze softened, "and I'm not sure when you'll decide to stop them again so as a precaution you need anger management classes to help cope with your irritability."

She doesn't trust me? Well, I can't blame her but why does that kind of hurt to hear?

"Your classes are every Saturday."

"Saturday's!? The weekend? Are you freaking kidding?" I slumped down onto the sofa and half-buried my face into the pillow whilst the other side glared up at her. Why are they boarding me off to anger management classes?

The hell is it supposed to do for me?

This isn't going to solve the problem though," I said after a few moments of silence. She shook her head, "no, it's not and you're right. Ever since you've been coming here you only talk about things that have minuscule effects on your emotions and not the things that can actually help you overcome this depressing barrier. Landon, Jenna and Vanessa can't help you. Only you can."

What does she want me to talk about! Isn't this why Drayton is paying her? To listen to me? I don't want to open wounds, what doesn't she understand from that? "My dad killed himself and my mom abandoned me. That's pretty much self-explanatory so may I ask, what else is there to discuss!?"

She sighed deeply as she pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose, squeezing it in frustration. "You really need to talk about what happened Hayley. How else do you expect to get past the obstacle that has you on the medication you hate so much? You've been with me for three years and every time I try to bring up your parents you divert the conversation.

If you want to continue being this way, by all means, avoid the inevitable and pretend like your parents and your problems that have everything to do with what you're going through now don't exist. Or you could start getting real with me and we can finally resolve this. Stop prolonging the issue by not confronting it. It'll do more damage than good."

I get that. But I'm scared. How do I tell her I'm scared? "No, nope we're not talking about this. At least not for today Mrs. M." I didn't mean to get this defensive, but how couldn't I?

I expected her to protest, but she should know pushing me to do something I'm not ready to do won't work. "Stop delaying this, okay? You say it yourself, you want to feel normal, you want to be happy and stress-free. How can you do that when you harbour so much darkness in you?"