~Chapter 25

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"Look, I know Ally's death was hard for you. It was hard for me too. I lost my first born. I loved her. I still do. I think about her everyday. The thing is, your father had his ways of dealing with her death, and I had my own." She starts.

"Yeah, by leaving us. He didn't even bother to stay in touch!" I angrily.

"Jesy, he's moved on now and so have I. I get that you're mad at him. I really do. What he did was far from right, but he's happy, I'm happy and you seem happy, what more can I say? Don't let your past ruin your future. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I feel like you still live in the past. Ally's death was hard on all of us. Even him. He may not admit it though, and that's fine. That's how he chose to deal with it. I chose to keep all the fond memories I have of her and move on with my life." She says.

"You act as though you never had an older daughter." I retort.

"You know that's not true, Jessica. She passed away seven years ago. Of course I regret her death! Of course I miss her! But what good will it do for me, just sitting there all my life, forgetting about my own health and children, and moping about it? It's only going to ruin things for not just me, but the ones I care about. The best I can do is think about her with a smile on my face and get through life, with memories of her in my heart. That's what I did and I think you should too." She says firmly.

"She shouldn't have died in the first place. She was too young. We should have saved her. We should have helped her." I say bitterly.

"We both know that Ally always kept her problems to herself. She never let anyone know about them. She never wanted people to know what she was going through on the inside. She was a very sweet and loving girl but that was her only flaw. If she had opened up to me or even you, given how close you two were, things would have turned out differently."

"So you're blaming her personality for her issues?" I say, agitated.

"No, of course not. It's just that we couldn't possibly help her, given how deeply she had sunk into her depression. She couldn't be saved. even if we knew about her issues, it wouldn't have been possible to get her out of that state. I do regret her death and wish she were still here with us, but that's just life. Things don't always go according to plan. Her death definitely took a toll on all of us. But what more can we do? All I'm saying is, I've moved on, maybe it's time for you to move on as well." She says calmly.

"You don't get it do you? I lost more than a sister, why don't you understand that?! She was the closest thing I had to a best friend, before even Jas." I say, nearly choking up.

"I understand you two were close, believe me I get it. I know you're still healing from her death, and in a way, so am I. Your father might try to make everyone think he's moved on too, but I'm sure he's still hurt. No matter how hard he tries he won't be able to lose all the memories he has of his first born." She says.

"Well, I can't move on, okay?! It's too hard for me! Sometimes it feels like she took a piece of me with her. I don't understand how you can forget about her so easily like that." I say, tearing up.

"Jessica..." Mom says, sighing in exasperation.

"It's like you don't even care your daughter died. It's almost like you're happy she's dead! How can you do that? How can you act as though everything is fine, when it's not?! You lost a daughter for Christ's sake! Don't you remember how much she suffered? That too alone?! It's like you never had a seventeen year old daughter who died and suffered depression!" I say, directing my anger at her.

"Because everything is fine! Maybe it's not for you, but it's fine for me. I know I lost a daughter, why don't you understand that I have moved on and you need to as well?" She says, getting frustrated.

"Oh, so now just because you don't care about your dead daughter, you've forgotten all about her and her existence, I have to do so as well?!" I say, raising my voice.

"Jessica, don't raise your voice at me. I'm trying to help you." She says, trying not to lose her temper.

My mother is a very calm woman, but she has a deadly temper.

I hate arguing with her and disappointing her, but I just don't agree with her.

"Don't give me that 'I'm trying to help you' nonsense!" I snap at her.

She gives me a pained expression.

"When she was suffering, you did nothing, absolutely nothing, to help her through it all. When her boyfriend cheated on her, and she had a breakdown, you didn't do anything to calm her down. Her grades were slipping in school, she lost her self esteem and confidence, yet she always went around with a smile on her face. You didn't even realize how fake that smile was! You weren't there to support her when she needed someone to talk to the most. Where were you?! Not by her side, like you should have been! You were a terrible mother, you know that?!" I yell at her harshly.

She looks stunned.

Pain and hurt flashes across her face and I immediately regret saying that to her.

Before I can get a word in, she gets up and with watery eyes says quietly, hurt evident in her voice, "I had no idea you felt that way."





A/N:- Slightly emotional chapter, I know. Please vote if you like this chapter and lemme know what you think!

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