Ateez Roommates - Seongjoong

Me too

They sat on the floor of Seonghwa's room uncomfortably. Hongjoong saw the Toothless plushie on his bed and held onto it, trying to find something to do with his hands. Seonghwa adjusted the Star Wars figures closest to him, even though they were already perfectly poised.

"So."

Seonghwa looked up. Hongjoong continued looking at the floor.

"So," Seonghwa responded.

"I guess we've got to address the elephant in the room," Hongjoong muttered into the plushie.

"We had sex."

Hongjoong looked up a bit startled but they were both so tired of dodging the truth to be shocked at this point.

"Yeah."

"And it was good," Seonghwa smiled and Hongjoong laughed.

"It was fucking fantastic."

"But that's not the point, is it?" Seonghwa sighed and Hongjoong nodded.

They sat in silence a bit longer before Hongjoong finally got the courage to be bold.

"Do you like me? Like as more than a friend?"

Seonghwa looked down at the carpet, his face a slightly pinker shade.

"Because—"

Hongjoong took a deep breath. He could do it.

"I—I like you."

Seonghwa looked up, his face unreadable.

Hongjoong waited for a response but it wasn't coming.

"This is the part where you tell me if you like me back," he prompted calmly but he was screaming inside. Did he read the signs wrong? Was he too confident?

Seonghwa remained silent. Hongjoong squeezed the plushie tighter, fear consuming him. He felt tears behind his eyes as he waited.

"Well!?" he asked roughly, not expecting things to play out this way.

Finally, Seonghwa responded.

"I don't know."

Hongjoong felt his heart tighten.

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know. I mean, we hardly even know each other. And the last time we were anywhere near close, things blew up and we tore each other apart. So I'm sorry, I don't know."

Hongjoong felt his tears pushing forward but tried his best to hold them back.

"That's the point! We don't even know each other anymore! We're completely different! That was an entire year ago! I know you feel something because I feel it too, and to be honest—I've felt it for a while."

Seonghwa looked up into his eyes, surprised.

"Since—since last year?"

"Yeah," Hongjoong muttered shyly.

"Me too."

Hongjoong looked up, shocked. He had thought Seonghwa hated his guts!

"But—if I'm being honest—it was before we really got to know each other. Once we started fighting and hating each other, it faded."

"Me too," Seonghwa whispered.

"So, maybe we'll tear each other apart! But maybe, we'll surprise ourselves. I'm willing to at least give us a chance. What do you say?"

Seonghwa looked away.

"I've got a lot of pressure riding on me right now and I'm not sure a disastrous relationship is something I can handle. I'm not sure I'm willing to risk it."

Hongjoong felt like he'd been stabbed in the chest.

"So you'd pick your lousy career over me?"

"It's not that simple. And besides, we don't even really know each other anymore. How could I possibly say whether or not I like you?"

"Because I can see that you do! You think I don't notice when you look away every time you blush? Or how your heart was pounding when we hugged? Or how badly you wanted me that night in your car?"

Seonghwa was quiet again.

"Seonghwa, at least admit your own feelings. I feel like you try so hard to push me away but I'm trying my best to get close to you. But it's not easy for me and if you don't want me to I'll stop. I just—I really do like you. It took me a while to figure it out but I do."

"It's not about you, Hongjoong! It's bigger than you and me! There's more riding on my shoulders than you can possibly imagine!"

"You're right, I couldn't possibly imagine what it's like to have so much money I can just buy my friends designer suits and ruin my leather upholstery because I feel like it! I couldn't possibly know your struggle Seonghwa!"

"That's not fair! I did those things for you, Hongjoong. This is the only time in my life where I can play, so yeah, maybe I'm trying to enjoy it! I'm sorry my career will actually entail real work! I'm sorry you get to play for the rest of your life! I don't have that pleasure!"

"I will not sit here and listen to you degrade my dreams. You know as well as I do that what I do for my major is not easy and that my career choice is incredibly difficult to get into. No one made you choose yours so stop complaining about it! If it doesn't make you happy then fucking do something else! Stop insulting me because I'm actually following my own interests!"

"You obviously don't know how the real world works. Not all of us can just follow our hearts and enjoy the rest of our lives, the rest of us have to do real work. Maybe it'll fucking suck but at least I'll be able to live off of my job."

"I'm aware of the path I've chosen and I don't need you to remind me."

"I'm not sure you are. You seem to think I have some sort of choice? You don't even know the first thing about me so how could you possibly know why I'm on the path I am?"

"Same goes for you! Who are you to assume I just want to play around?"

"Have you ever even considered that maybe I would prefer to be a music major?"

"Sure, because it's so fucking easy!"

"No, because I actually like performing!"

Hongjoong was taken aback.

"What?"

"See? You don't know me at all. So stop assuming you do."

"So that's why you're such a good singer."

"I'm not anything special. I just enjoy doing it. But you see, it's not like I'm going to get anywhere with music."

"How could you possibly know that? You're so dismissive of it. Have you ever even considered it completely?"

"Of course not. My father would never—"

Seonghwa closed his mouth, having said much more than he intended.

"Your father?" Hongjoong asked, confused.

"Never mind."

"Wait, tell me about him, Hwa. Please. You said I don't know anything about you but I want to. Please."

Seonghwa felt tears starting to well up in his eyes but he realized Hongjoong deserved to know. After all, it was his father that made him such a monster freshmen year.

"Alright. But it doesn't leave this room, okay? I don't need anyone else knowing. And don't give me those pitiful puppy dog eyes. I hate that."

Hongjoong tried his best to keep an emotionless face. But he was worried. Seonghwa had never opened up about his family before.

"Okay, here goes."