Hugs & Blows

Come

Ethan’s' parents woke up, his mother at two forty-six a.m., and his father at exactly three pm that day. The doctors expected both of the Parkers to make a full recovery; everyone was shocked; except for Ethan. Odette felt it was too good to be true, she could not come off her edge, she felt as though they were waiting, perched on the ledge of peril. She admired Ethan’s' goodness, his light, his childlike innocence, his unwavering belief that good things happened to good people and that you just had to wait and have faith. However, Odette did not buy into those beliefs, she always felt as though she was waiting for the next tragedy. She hoped that one day, the sunshine that was Ethan’s' amazingness would rub off on her and that the friction would light the "isn't life grand?" candle that Ethan seemed to think was inside for everyone. She feared that the billowing winds of her depression hurricane would blow his goodness out.

Odette was glad his parents didn't die, and the constant smile that had been painted on Ethan’s' beautiful face, showcasing his dimple, ever since he had gotten to hug and speak to his parents made Odette happier than anything else, she just couldn't shake the bad feeling that was haunting her.

"I guess I packed my black cloud of angst and rain by mistake.' She mumbled to herself over her Styrofoam cup of disgusting black hospital coffee. The parental members of the Parkers clan were being released that day and a few days later they were set to celebrate Christmas. Then Ethan and Odette were returning to their home in California, Odette just wanted some peaceful times. Unadulterated bliss, she wanted relaxing good morning sex with the most beautiful lover, and person she has ever had. She wanted warm cups of tea and laughter. She needed to lie in his lap while they both read separate books and cuddled. She just needed to love him and shoo away her sadness.

She was not equipped to handle any more sadness or pain; she did not think anyone was capable of taking all the sadness she bore. She was done with it, for the first time she was beginning to believe that maybe she deserved it. She knew Ethan deserved it, and since he had chosen her, she was going to choose to give him that.  FFor the first time in a long while, the only viable solution to her problems was not suicide. She was tired of her life ending every day without her being able to live it.

"Fuck you." She whispered to the air in front of her, imagining that her depression, co morbid anxiety, suicidal ideations, eating disorder, self-harm addiction and everything else that did not make her happy were personified and standing in front of her.