Hugs & Blows

Breakdown

Odette remembers someone somewhere where she could overhear saying that "Seeing a man play with children was the biggest aphrodisiac." At the time she had been appalled, mouthing "What the flying fuck?", it wasn't until she witnessed Ethan in his parents snow coated backyard playing with his niece and nephews.

The children were in puffy winter coats that reminded her of fluffy penguins. The girl, Ellie who was the youngest at six, squealed and screamed while her uncle helped her pelt the boys with snowballs. The boys who were twins and ten, said it wasn't fair because Ethan was so old. Ethan just chuckled and threw more snowballs, declaring the cliched "All's fair in love and war."

Ethan will one day be an amazing father, Odette knows that in her cigarette tar blackened soul, because obviously the soul is connected to the lungs. It sounds weird to her even to just think it, but the way Ethan treats her, even though it's far from fatherly, continuously proves to her that he'll be an amazing father. Odette isn't confident in her motherly ways though. But that isn't why she is laying in the big bed she has shared with Ethan for months now, in the middle of the afternoon and crying.

She was crying because Anthony was texting her. He was texting her, and even though he was being polite that was a terrible trigger for her. She couldn't stop herself from responding through her tears. He was asking her something about Fear Nights, she hoped that it wouldn't end up another one of her favorite things that Anthony ruined for her.

She remembers this dream she had once, Anthony was behind her brutally fucking her from behind. His fingers were down her throat at first, then her head was down in the porcelain toilet purging everything. Her hands were bloody from the slits on her wrists and later in the nightmare, they had left bloody fingerprints against the stark white cigarettes filter as she stuck in between her lips.

She had woken up from the nightmare covered in a cold sweat and ruefully laughed, because it was the epitome of her self disdain induced destruction. That was the day she met Ethan, the left turn that helped her exit from her downward spiral existence.

Ethan who will one day be a great father, Ethan who adores her, helps her. Ethan who she loves, who inspires her to get better. She takes a deep breath, and dials the seven magic digits that allow her to hear his voice, she hopes she'll catch him on break.