Hugs & Blows

A here we go

The moment Ethan sees Anthony sitting on the chair next to the couch that Odette is on, he sees red. It's a blur of crimson and action because the next thing he knows is that he has Anthony pushed into the wall with his forearm against his throat, he growls something along the lines of "If I find you in our home again, I'll beat you to death." Anthony looked frightened and scurryied off limping with fear and the plans to press charges.

Odettes' eyes are wide with shock and she flinches as Ethan yells a pained "What the fuck Odette?"

Ethan remembers a time when she described having a breakdown to him. She said it was like feeling every emotion and nothing at once, it was like doing something you are somehow convinced will solve all your issues and going through the motions of it, with the deep seated knowledge that your "solution" is irrelevant, nonsensical, and will in no way help your situation.

Ethan thinks he's in the midst of a breakdown, and he thinks the solution is yelling. Odette shrugs and says "He just wanted to talk." Ethan scoffs and begins to walk away. Odette feels dumbfounded, but Ethan turns around and whispers "You know this isn't normal right?"

"What?" Odette looks confused and Ethan regrets his choice of words, so he starts over.

"What we have, is not what the average person has. You are the love of my life. What we have is meant to be, but you are so accustomed to being adored by everyone, even people you can't bear to be near that you don't know. Anthony does not love you, and even if he did it wouldn't be like what we have. But you are so consumed with your self loathing that you don't even get it. I know that you consider getting back with him, because it's easier for you to give yourself more reasons to hate yourself and it's easier to feel numb instead of happiness, sometimes I wish that we would break up and that you could see what it was like to be someone else. They'd probably love you like almost everyone else, and maybe you'd love them back, but I don't think you would. I don't even think you love me back sometimes but I know you do. I don't know. I can't explain it. You and I have this once in a lifetime thing and I don't think you get that." Ethan blinked back tears and his voice waivered.

"Do you remember when you told me about your mothers' affair?" He said.

Odette nodded yes and he continued,

"You told me that her highschool sweetheart came back into her life and that she spent months singing their song around the house and joyously dancing, until your father paid him to leave and your mother was devastated that he had choosen money over her, even though she had choosen money over him in highschool when she went with your father, and even though she choose it again when she didn't leave your father but choose to cheat instead. You also told me that you've never once heard your mother sing her and your fathers' song."

Odette nodded again and Ethan looked her dead in the eye and said "That's who you are going to be, if you lose me you'll end up pining away for the love that we shared because I'm your soulmate and you really need to find a way to appreciate that because I'd rather die alone then be your side dish years from now." He means every word as he says it but the moment the words leave his lips he knows the last part is a lie and that he'll always choose Odette over anything else. Even his self respect.

"I do love you." She pleads, and she hates herself for hurting him and making him question that, but Ethan just shrugs and mumbles that he wants to be alone. He walks down the hallway to the bedroom and closes the door, it doesn't click shut and Odette takes that as symbolism that it isn't too late.

She stays where she is and writes him a story because it's the only thing she can do to prove her devotion. The story is about an abused college girl who has a boyfriend that's never given her an orgasm, eventually she builds up the courage to leave him. She ends up having sex with her lab partner, he gives her multiple orgasms and she cries, he kisses the tears away but she can't handle it and on her way home swerves and purposely slams her SUV into a tree propelling her body out of the windshield, killing herself.

She gives it to Ethan who reads it with a confused and mildly annoyed smile. He looks at her and says "I don't even know what this means."

"It means I love you."

"Love isn't killing yourself." He responds worried.

"Love isn't anything other than love." She says, and he knows that maybe he has gotten through to her, at least in a slight way. But before he can say anything she adds "Do you want me to stay or go?"

"I want you to do whichever you want." he whispers but that isn't entirely true, he wants her to stay. He wants her to need him half as much as he needs her.

"I always want to stay." She says getting into the bed, laying next to his body with her head on his chest, and Ethan, in that moment forgets all about their plane ride tomorrow and that he and his brother are going to have to choose whether or not to pull the plug on his parents.