Hugs & Blows

Shower

Ethan sat back on the hotel bed and listened to the soothing patter of the water from Odette's shower.

Odette was taking one of her infamous signature too hot and too long showers. She couldn't help it, all she could think about while the scalding water ran down

the knobs of her spine was why she did the things she does. She doesn't know why she does them.

"Why do I smoke? Do I like cigarettes? Am I a nicotine fiend or did I just want to be edgy? Piss of my parents? Did I just like having a reason to sneak around? Did I want to see if I could get away with it? Why do I still smoke? Why do I text when I'm driving?" Her back heaved as she was wracked with sobs. She doesn't understand herself.

She feels rather numb. She starts to think about Ethan, Ethan who is terminally beautiful. The embodiment of physical perfection. The boy with deep dark brown eyes that she could drown in. In a similar fashion to how she seemed to endlessly drown in her misery and her lies. Ethan was the type of boy girls killed themselves by trusting.

Odette wonders if she's that type of girl. Ethan seems so very sincere in his every action though. She can't help but to trust him, and to love him.

She begins to wash her body, scrubbing roughly with her rueful thoughts. She realizes that aside from the scabs on her thigh, she's devoid of injuries. She used to end up with more bruises than a clumsy and abused housewife after sex with Anthony. She misses pressing her various hematomas.

She thinks about laying beneath Ethan, the next time they have sex, and looking up at him saying "I want you to hurt me." She's scared though. Frightened that he'll be scared away by her darkness.

She eventually exits the shower and reenters the bedroom clad only in a damp terry cloth towel. Ethan watches her put on her flimsy sun dress that barely covers the scabbed words on her too thin, too pale thighs.

He walks over and kisses her open mouth because she looks as if she is in a daze of sadness. He wants to kiss her pain away. Odette turns to him and says in a quiet whisper "My heart was made for you to bruise." Ethan isn't entirely sure what she means but he kisses her again and says "Only I'm not going to bruise it, I'll handle it carefully."

She shakes her head and says "It's far too late, It is already long bruised. I love you so much it hurts."

Ethan says "I love you more."

She smiles slightly, and thinks that maybe that's true, but changes her mind. They love each other equally, but differently. His love is golden sunlight, warm and pure. Her love is fresh snowflakes, beautiful, but burns to touch.