Hugs & Blows

Relapse

Odette is laying in a pool of blood. She feels numb, empty, and light. She thinks her cami is probably ruined, but she doesn't give a fuck. She doesn't care about anything right now, she's content to just bleed out on the hardwood floor. She wonders if the rust smelling, essence of life pouring out of her will stain the floors. She decides she'll clean them with vinegar and water like the maid on that one show once said to do.

Cutting doesn't normally feel this way. But then again she's never slit her thigh before, and never carved words either. She is slightly dizzy and maybe cut too deep. She thinks she's suffering from bloodloss. She snorts at the thought. Right now she isn't suffering.

She's relishing in the inbetween moment. The moment immediately after doing whatever thing that felt like a good idea at the time and right before the idea of consequences begins to haunt you. Right now she hates herself and no one cares.

She loved that about Anthony. He never said anything about her self destruction, he didn't care that she was hurting herself, he did care actually. He liked it, because it meant he could hurt her too. Odette sits up and her fingers dance through the congealing blood between her ruined thighs. She laughs, like a madwomen, it is like some twisted version of the cliched virginity motif. She lost her virginity alright. She broke her own rule, she didn't slit her wrists. She did it somewhere even more easily hid.

But it couldn't stay hidden for long, Ethan lived with her and often saw every inch of her body. Ethan, she thought with a sigh, he'll be sad, possibly disappointed. Or maybe he'd leave, maybe he won't care at all. Just as she was convinced he did not care about nor for her in the slightest, her phone began to buzz.

She picked it up, smearing the glass screen with blood. It was a text from Ethan about how he loved her and was thinking of her. The weight of the consequences of her actions hit her like a sucker punch to the stomach. She couldn't breathe. She hated herself even more. She felt like flinging herself down the stairs but instead, she replied to him with " I love you too. I fucked up. Please don't be mad."