Hugs & Blows

flick bic light

Odette and Ethan are laying in bed curled around each other tight like a gallows' noose. Ethan fell asleep awhile ago, but Odette is still awake, she's still comfortingly running her fingers through his hair. She's worried about him, he never did say what was wrong. She can't sleep knowing he's in pain, even though now that he's asleep his face has relaxed into a childlike innocence. Odette hates herself all over because she can fix this, especially because she doesn't know what needs fixing. She knows this is what she does Ethan, that only makes her even more furious with herself.

One of Ethan's strong arms is flung over her hips, and his head is on her chest, pinning her down in the most pleasant way. The window is open and she's smoking, she focuses on the dancing blue smoke tendrils as she blows them upwards towards the white ridged ceiling. It reminds her of a night years ago when she sneaked out of her room and lay down with her back on the bumpy, cold concrete sidewalk pavement. She smoked, exhaling towards the bright full moon. It was in her front yard and part of her had ached to be caught by any concerned adult.

Odette never knew any concerned adults as a misbehaving child nor as a rebellious teenager. That made her a cliche and she despised it.

Odette wiggles her hips and Ethan holds her tighter just like she wanted. The smoke reminds her of the rippling aftermath of leaping into clear lakes in the middle of summer. Odette wishes Ethan would hold her so tight it hurt. She just wants to feel something other than sadness and worry.

Odette puts her cigarette butt out in the clear glass ashtray she keeps sequestered away in the drawer of the mahogany night stand on her side of the bed. The room is cool from the beach breeze and smells like the ocean and cigarettes. The nostril burning tang of salty seawater smells remind her only of Ethan and how distraught he was. She sighs deep down from her soul before kissing his cheek and flicking the wheel of the bic she found in the bedroom, lighting another cigarette.