Lol, stupid (possibly discontinued)

stars (Book x Pillow request)

tide pod lookin-ass x game theorist

important: there is mentions of suicide in this story but are a bit vague, so proceed with caution

(I just found that song above recently, and oh my god it's very beautiful why haven't I found this soundtrack sooner lmao
Give it a listen as usual if you want, I just wanted to share it)

Also requested by Rover_7452

Girlfriends

As much as I'd like to lie to myself about it, my core definition as a person still hasn't changed.
In other words, I'm as much of a fucking asshole as I was on day 1 of this damned show.

Open myself up, see what's in there.

See? It's always still the same definition. Whatever I do, it's useless. I would do something of note, like trying to be a good person again (if you even knew how to be one). I would try to be nice. When it rains, I try to bring an umbrella with me, why? Maybe if I see someone without one, I'd share it.

I used to keep it all to myself. It rained then, but even when I shared that umbrella now, the rain remains relentless. A constant downpour, almost a constant reminder of my sins.

In the end, no matter who you are now, you were a sinner. Still a sinner. And sinners are never forgiven.

___

I used to tell myself that everything was changing for the better, that it was best for me to continue on without a doubt, with no question about how good of a person I'm becoming. But I guess I was just concentrated about how I pissed nobody else off, huh? Everybody seemed to stop getting angry at me, and that was supposed to be the deciding factor of my own virtue?

If people stop complaining about me, does it really mean I'm a good person then?

BFB was a real tragedy. It was kind of a wake up call to the misery I was causing all around. In a way, it reminded me of the Alliance, the same toxic beings that I wanted to get away from. Guess it was a bit too late to leave them when I did, huh?

I think that was what it felt like to be those two, Match and Pencil. With a perception of reality so dampened and obscured, it wasn't a question as to how they were so oblivious to their toxicity. They liked to kick dirt into everyone's faces, standing on a pedestal above everyone else. They never considered anyone's thoughts. Scratch that, they had no consideration for anyone.

A draping of misconception, thinly veiled over their eyes; it was ironically the most blinding.

What scares me the most was that unintentionally or not, I was like that, AND I STILL AM.

I want to get this stupid blindfold off of me, I'm desperate at this point. It's still on me somehow, I still can't see, and I tricked myself into thinking I finally could...! No, the miseries of a terrible person continues its raining charades, while I'm stuck—still blindfolded—to it all!

Could I see the resentment in my teammates eyes? Not now, why then? I used to see it all the time.

It's because this isn't my team. This is that team with the nickel, some nail or whatever, a bomb, a talking price tag, my girlfriend, and a slice of lonely cake.

It's Just Not.

This isn't the team where I had to fight with everyone for such a stupid, godawful reason. This isn't the team where everyone was sick of my ignorance. This isn't the team where Taco is, the one who hates my guts the most.

This isn't the team Taco "betrayed".

That team was the one I betrayed, the one that no longer approved of me, the one that looked down on me wherever I went. Even when I felt okay in my current team, with my supportive girlfriend Pillow, I still couldn't look anybody straight in the eye.