We were just kids when we fell in love🎶
Not knowing what it was🎶
" I thought... I knew what real pain feels like. But no, I didn't....... I didn't until I saw the way you looked at her." PJM
Jimin has been in love...
I couldn't believe what Lisa said. Rose... Rose loved Jimin. I made a fool out of myself thinking that she also had a crush on me.
It's not like I love her or anything but it kinda feels weird. I did have some sort of feeling for her before Jimin, but her being in love with Jimin just upsets my stomach.
I didn't know what was more upsetting, the fact that my crush loved someone else, and by someone else I mean my very own boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.
Or it was the fact that she loved the same person I love. And the way Jimin hugged her definitely didn't seem right. When did they become so close?
I walked furiously out of the cinema and entered the parking area. I did hear Jimin calling my name but I ignored it cuz I was angry.
" Jungkook," I heard him as he reached me, out of breath. " listen to me before coming to conclusions,"
" There is nothing to say or to conclude, Jimin," I said, controlling my anger. " I've already heard enough."
" Jungkook I don't love her. I swear. I've always loved you." He said, his tone desperate. I felt bad.
" That changes nothing. She loves you... and she didn't even deny that. You both were comfortable with each other. You were never like that with me. Never, Jimin." I hissed as I couldn't control the urge to confront him anymore.
" She is just a good friend of mine. She understands me. I didn't know she loved me. She never even told me. " he said.
" So what were you crying for on her shoulder?" I retorted.
" I... I can't tell you." He said, making me even angrier. " It was just... I don't know why I cried...."
" Mm... So you were so comfortable with her that you hugged her in public, sobbed at her shoulder and you can't even tell me why you were crying..." I said, laughing in disbelief.
" she is my friend Jungkook," Jimin whispered lightly as he was on the verge to cry but was controlling himself.
Why was he controlling now? Why couldn't he show me, him being miserable? Why couldn't he let his heart out in front of me, when he could easily do it with Rose.
"That's the case, Jimin. She is your friend and yet you were so comfortable with her that you cried in front of her. And me... I was your boyfriend, your best friend, and yet you can't even express yourself properly in front of me. What does that supposed to mean, Jimin? You claim to love me and you can't even talk to me properly. I know I cheated on you but I really don't know who is more pathetic. You, or me..." I shouted and looked stunned for some moments.
He remained silent afterward... I wanted him to say something but he didn't. He just stayed silent.
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Jimin's pov.
Jungkook wasn't completely wrong. I've always been insecure about myself. The fear of being judged has always taken over me.
His betrayal added fuel to the fire and the fact that I might've tried to turn him into something that he never was, has been eating me alive.
I reached home late as I was wandering aimlessly on the streets. Mom sitting in the living area came to stomping her feet.
She was about to confront me but stopped as she saw my pale face.
" Jeez, what have you done to yourself Jimin." She asked me, looking at me from head to toe.
" I... messed up everything mom," my voice choked as I hugged her.
" What happened to my poor kiddo?" She asked patting back.
" Our love wasn't enough, Mom. Or our love was wrong," I sobbed. " Why am I different. Why am I not like other guys? Why my heart chose a boy instead of a girl? Why am I not worth his love? Why. ...?
" Your love wasn't wrong, Jiminie." She said caressing my hair. " You are just too young to know what love actually is. Love comes with pain and hardships. It tests you, and trust me it makes you stronger. You are beautiful just the way you are, my baby."
"Thanks, mom," I said and she kissed my hands before leaving for her room.
I then went upstairs to my room and locked it. I went into the bathroom and turned on the hot shower with clothes on, just to ease the pain I was feeling in my whole body.
I shouted, I cried my heart out. It wasn't like we broke up today, then what was wrong with me? Why was I like this?
There was a huge urge to hurt myself. I wanted to punish myself for what I was today.
Worthless.
I pulled out the blade that I was hiding in for so long, never got the courage to use it.
I wanted to ease the pain, the emotional pain, that I felt today, that I was feeling every day. Physical pain might numb what I felt...
Placing the blade on my wrist, I looked out of the window, and I could see his side of the window that reminded me of so many beautiful memories of when we were carefree, and when we were closer to each other.
The lights of his room were off, he might have already slept... or might be suffering just like me.
Tears streamed down my eyes as I applied pressure to the blade, closing the eyes, I let myself feel the pain.
There was complete silence, and I could hear the blood droplets falling on the floor, and as expected... It did numb my pain, the emotional pain.
I threw the blade aways as I couldn't cut deeper, holding my wrist I laid down on the floor and sobbed until I felt dizzy.
My mind processed what was gonna happen next, I couldn't pass out like this. I didn't want everyone to find out how pathetic I was.
I stood up with a heavy head and ran towards the washroom, opening every cupboard to find the bandaids. I finally found one, I quickly rinsed the wound that appeared to be dark red and covered it with the bandaid.
I changed into a night suit, cleaned all the mess I created, and hid the blood-soaked tissues in my school bag.
I did today what I feared the most. I hurt myself and I feared if I'll do this again.
I drowned myself in a pithole and there was no coming back.
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