We were just kids when we fell in love🎶
Not knowing what it was🎶
" I thought... I knew what real pain feels like. But no, I didn't....... I didn't until I saw the way you looked at her." PJM
Jimin has been in love...
I still couldn't believe all that happened that I never wanted to happen. I never wanted Jungkook to see how pitiful I am.
He was broken, I know I broke, actually, we both broke each other. I wanted to tell him a lot of things but words won't come out.
But his word that he said about me, was comforting. He never judged me by the way I look, but he should understand that it is not about him, it is me... It is me who is a victim of overthinking and over judging myself.
But is that hard to love someone without loving yourself? The answer was very clear but I wasn't ready to accept it. He saw me kissing Rose, he might think that we were in a relationship and that hurts but I wasn't going clear that miss conception. Even though it hurt a lot, he still cheated on me. I couldn't just let go of that thought.
I stood in front of the mirror in my room where I could see my whole image. I imagined myself standing with Jungkook, hands in hands, my head on his shoulder...he looked handsome with his breathtaking bunny-like smile and me...I was just... me.
For the very first time, there was an urge to be perfect...to be good for me. Because I wanted him, and there was no chance I was going to him with this version of me. Because to me, he was delicate and I had to be as delicate as him to be able to stand proudly with him.
What I was thinking, wasn't that simple but I had to take the risks. I had to go for it in order, get what I always wanted. Not for him but for me, to be with him.
I went downstairs after putting on my sleeping suit as it was already midnight but I couldn't wait any longer.
Luckily, mom and dad were sitting on the couch in the lounge, watching Friends.
" Oh Jimin, do you need anything?" Mom asked as she saw me coming closer to them.
" Yes, I need to talk to both of you and I really hope you'll understand." I politely said as I sat in between them as dad made some space for me.
" Sure son, Go no..." Dad said.
" I already mentioned that before but I am pretty serious that time that I want to leave this country for a while." I sighed as I head, knowing what their reaction would be.
" We already told you that...." Mom said.
" Please let me finish first," I said.
They both nodded.
" I know it will be so hard to leave both of you but I am so sorry to say that it is not only about you guys anymore, it is more about me... It sometimes feels like I am suffocating here as if someone has locked me in the darkroom and left."
They remained silent.
" I don't know where we failed," mom mumbled as she was on the verge of crying.
" No you guys didn't fail me, you guys never failed me. I am so proud that you are my parents but I am constantly failing you. I can't even love you guys properly when I can't love myself. And I really want to know who I am and what I can do... And changing the atmosphere might help and if it didn't I'll simply come back,"
I hope they understand what I was going through. I hope they understand that I desperately needed an escape to explore, to rebuild myself as a better version of myself.
" I wish I've had paid more attention to my baby," Mom cried.
" I am so sorry it is all happening to you but if going away really can helpp, I am willing to send you...but," dad said, caressing my back " you'll video call us four times a day. Promise me." He laughed.
" Sure, Dad," I cried, hugging in so tightly as I sobbed on his shoulder. Mom hugged both of us from behind as we laughed together.
Our hearts were heavy but they were peaceful... at least we all were trying to head in the right direction.
__________
Time went very fast afterward... I didn't tell anyone what I was planning as I didn't was to be interrupted. I applied to one of the best dance schools in Italy.
People would probably think what a potato had to do with dancing but, I really should stop what people think coz I wasn't planning on staying the same potato.
Luckily I got selected on my first attempt and soon I had my visa, passport, and ticket in my hand.
I was leaving in the mid of the semester so people were really going to make a big deal out of it.
But the thing that really matters that how will my friends react and most importantly how will Jungkook react.
" No, Jimin you can't just leave like that." Tae protest as he was in utter shock. " What am I gonna do without."
" I know it is sudden but trust me it is for best, Tae," I said rubbing his shoulder, " and I am not leaving for forever."
" Four fucking years are forever you fucking asshole," he grumbled.
" wohooho, it's the first time I am hearing you curse," I joked, just to make the mood lighter.
" coz this whole thing is driving me nuts." He said irritated, " and what about Jungkook... I know that shithead made a lot of mistakes but he doesn't deserve that... He loves you and you know that,"
" I know, Tae," I said with a heavy heart, " but it's good for both of us... We both need time to think about ourselves, and trust me I've tried...but I can't be good with him unless I change myself. And in that period I'll eventually come to know what he actually wants. Me, or the other girls."
" Don't you know what he wants? Didn't you see how miserable he was the other day? How badly he wants to make things right?" Tae was suddenly defending him but wasn't wrong tho.
I saw it in his eyes the other day, that his eyes were constantly begging me to come and hold him and hug him so tight that no question remains to be asked. Yet he restrained himself and kept his distance. For my sake.
After all that Rose said, he had so many reasons to keep a distance from me as he didn't want to hurt me and I had so much to tell but I'll wait for the right time.
" I know, Tae," I whispered, " I am also trying to make things right," I said.
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
I am kinda late but.....
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Happiest Birthday to the perciousest human being. I love more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. I hope you get every happiness you deserve. ❤❤
