Perfect | JIKOOK

Chapter-43

  

     Jimin's pov.  

I rushed back home with tears dripping through my eyes.

Why was I doing this to him?

Why was I doing this to us?

I had so much to tell him and so much to ask him but I was so afraid to mess up everything.

     I ran directly into my room, ignoring the questioning eyes of my parents, startled by the presence of Taemin.

Taemin... I forgot about him.

         " Where were you, Jimin?" He asked with a worried look on his face. " I waited for you the whole night, I even called you but you didn't respond. I was worried for you and why are you crying, Jimin? What happened?

        " I am fine," I said, wiping the tears off my face. " I am just...tired," I lied.

        " It is Jungkook, isn't it?" Taemin sighed, sitting on the bed he reached for my hand and made me sit with him.

Tears escaped my eyes again.

        " I am sorry...I am so sorry, Taemin." I hugged him tightly, crying.

        " It's okay sweetie, it's okay," he comforted me rubbing my back.

        " It...it wasn't supposed to happen like that. I thought I am over him...but I can't... All these years of suffering and training my mind to be happy without him went in vain." I sobbed, my head on his shoulder.  " I even told him that I love you and he looked defeated...I thought...I thought that'd help me to be over him but it didn't...It only added to my misery."

      " Why do you want to be over him so bad?" Taemin asked, " he loves you, Jimin... I've seen it in his eyes, pushing him away will only worsen the situation. When you know he is the only cure."

      " That's what scares me the most," I gasped, as I was short of breath, my anxiety was at the top, " I know you love me, and I feel so fucking bad that I can't reciprocate the feeling that you have... I tried so hard, Taemin, but I couldn't love you as you do and but but...."

      " shush... It's okay, it's okay... I am not complaining. I always knew that you'd not be able to love me... But still, I got attracted to you and it's not your fault." Taemin said.

      "I even changed myself, I thought the physical change would automatically help my mental state... And it helped, I even stopped taking antidepressants but I was fine only until I saw him again." I was anxious.

      " Jimin you should talk to him. You should tell him how you feel, it is the only way to settle down the war in your head."  Taemin said, giving a concerned look.

     " No, never.  It will only make me feel weak and miserable in front of him and I don't want that.  I don't want him to know that I am still that pathetic piece of shit that he left back then. I don't want him to know that even after four years, I can't unlove him. I don't want to see those full of pity eyes," I whimpered, my hands going cold as I needed to breathe.

      I stood up and ran towards the suitcase, I searched like a maniac for the box of my medicines as the images of people laughing at me, making fun of me ran into my mind.

     I couldn't breathe, gasping as I held my chest with one hand and suitcase with the other.

     " JIMIN," Taemin shouted. Reaching me, he held me tight in his arm.

     I motioned my hand toward the suitcase where my box of medicine was as I couldn't talk.

     Taemin desperately searched for the box and pulled it out as soon as he found it. He gave me the medicine, knowing what I needed right now, and took me to the bed, and laid me on it carefully.