We were just kids when we fell in love🎶
Not knowing what it was🎶
" I thought... I knew what real pain feels like. But no, I didn't....... I didn't until I saw the way you looked at her." PJM
Jimin has been in love...
How come I never noticed that he was depressed. How come I never knew that he was suffering.
" Your son has chronic depression and it's not just from today or yesterday or weeks or months, he's been suffering for so long, I wonder why you people didn't consult a doctor before."
The doctor told Jimin's mom and I couldn't help but hold him tighter.
I came back home with an aching heart, leaving a sleeping Jimin behind.
" What happened, Jungkook? Is Jimin okay?" Mom asked as soon as I entered home. Dad came after her as they both looked worried.
I scanned the room, to see Lisa silently sitting on the couch, still in shock.
" He...he is not fine. I...I made him sick...I made him miserable...its its my fault that he is suffering and I'll...never forgive myself if anything happened to him," I trembled, sitting on the sofa with a loud thud as I cupped my face with both of my hands.
" No, honey...don't say that," Mom sat beside me and hugged me, " it's not your fault. You always wished for his goodwill. You shouldn't feel guilty,"
" Your mom's right." Lisa said, her expressions blank as she looked at me, " It's not your fault... it's mine...and it's every other person's fault who bullied him but again...mostly mine." her voice shaking as she wiped the tear that trickled down her cheek.
" What are you trying to say?" Dad asked her as I was speechless. I couldn't utter a single word.
" You see... Ever since we became friends, I was jealous of him. I was jealous that he had everything including you and I had nothing. I envied him, I wanted to hurt him, so I did. I couldn't physically hurt him so I used words... I taunted him about his appearance, I made fun of him. I asked people to say nasty things to him and....and I was succeeding...he finally chose to go away. I thought now I'd be able to have you all for myself but..." Lisa cried, guilt written all over her face.
" How...how could you?" I asked, my eyes red with hurt and anger. " I always knew that you didn't like him but I didn't know you'd stoop so low, Lisa. I...I should've noticed,"
" I am sorry, I am so sorry... I feel so guilty about everything. And now that I've seen him breaking down, I can't control it anymore." Lisa sobbed, my mom held her hand to give her some emotional support, " I...I want to talk to him. I want to ask for his forgiveness,"
" NO," I growled, coming closer to her, " I'll never allow you to meet him. Not after watching how miserable he got at seeing you,"
" Please, Jungkook. I beg you. I can't hold it in anymore. I've been feeling guilty for so long. And there is only one way that'll ease the pain. Please let me apologize to him...please," Lisa pleaded, her eyes watery as she held me with both of her hands.
I remained silent, thinking about what should I do. There was no way I was letting her meet him now but if he really wanted to apologize, I'd have to talk to Jimin first.
" Fine, but first I have to talk to him. You'll only see him if he allows," I said in a monotone.
She nodded.
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Jimin's pov.
" Taehyung please, I don't want unnecessary drama," I said, resting my head on pillow as I still felt hazy due to all medications that the doctor gave me.
" But you have to see the therapist, you can't only rely on medications," Tae said, his tone worried.
" But I don't want to see a therapist, I don't want to repeat everything. I don't want to show them how pathetic and miserable I am. And...and these medicines help...they numb the pain. They numb every burning sensation to kill me and be free...I swear they help." Tears constantly left my eyes, I wasn't crying or anything, I felt the pain but my head was so heavy to register it. So the tears did their work to keep reminding me that it hurts...everything hurts.
" I was running away from my past. I did every fucking thing to forget all the misery. Their laughter, the pitiful looks...it haunted me at nights...it kept me awake. I tried so hard to change but I didn't know that physical change can't help an emotionally tormented person. " I muttered, looking straight in my direction. " I even ignored Jungkook, I made him feel like I didn't care, not knowing that I was only causing more pain. He got humiliated because of me, he got abandoned because...people thought that he was the reason for me leaving the country and I did nothing about it... I did not stand for him."
" This is not true," Tae said, sitting beside me. " Even though you pretended not to care but you did care Jimin. You practically begged me to be on his side when he was all alone. And I knew it wasn't just because you felt guilty...it was because you loved him..you always loved him. You couldn't forget about him for a single second."
" No...that's not true," I desperately said, sitting beside Tae, my voice felt like I was more convincing my own self. " I...I stopped loving him. It's just the guilt of abandoning him and I don't think he loves me back and...and...I have a boyfriend...I...can't...love him, Taehyung...I can't love him...I don't want to be called a cheater. Jimin can be anything but a cheater." I breathed heavily as I clenched the sheets under my hand.
" You...You don't have to love me...You don't have to," my blood ran cold as I heard his voice, standing at the door, " just let me help you,"
" J-Jungkook," my voice cracked, my eyes darted at him as he stood at the door like a little kid left alone crowded place.
" Jungkook please don't misunderstand him...He didn't mean anything he said," Taehyung said, standing up as he approached Jungkook.
Jungkook took a few steps and sat at the other end of my bed as I and Taehyung looked at him...desperately wanting him to say something.
" I don't want to you love me...love can't be forced."
He was right...love can't be forced and I remembered the time when I unintentionally forced him to love me.
" But..." He then looked at me with all the love in his eyes and I felt so small, " I want you to know that I fucking love you, Jimin. With all my heart. I've loved you ever since I've known you. The definitions of love can be different at times but I've loved you in every possible way. " he said making my eyes go wide as I held on to the side table tightly.
It was the first time he confessed his love to me with his whole heart and it was written all over his face that he meant every single word he said.
" and I don't want you to love me back but I want you to be happy... I want you to be perfectly fine for the sake of the happy and sad moments we've spent together. I want you to get out of that depression and own your true colors and see how beautiful and perfect you are," he held my hands, we both were crying, I nodded.
I felt at ease.
It felt like he was the only therapy I needed.
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