Metanoia

Chapter 1: Overlooked Fallacy

Trigger Warning! This book has mentions of abuse, kindly read at your own comfort, however, it's not extreme.

Acacia Russell

My life is this horrifying mess, a fallacy that is overlooked. You must be wondering, why so? At the tender age of 19, I decided- 'Oh well, I must pull up my big girl panties and find a nice, caring boyfriend. A boyfriend who would care for me, love me and stay with me for the rest of my life. A soulmate, a partner.

And you know what? I was 'lucky' enough to go on a date with a man I once found charming, exceptionally handsome. Matthew Smith. He was 3 years older than me, not that I minded, however, we had met over a dating app that I obviously, trusted blindly. Credulousness. Matthew had luscious blonde hair, standing at 6'0, his dark brown eyes glimmering with charm. He was stunning, kind and caring. We instantly hit off.

I was ecstatic to start a new life with him and for the time being, I thought Matthew was too. For the first year, it went just great, perfect indeed. He was this person I could look up to, I trusted him.

But slowly, he became possessive, rough and careless. I looked over all the red flags thrown at me. How he would yell at me every time I came late from university. He'd never let me have friends, male ones especially... At first, I thought maybe he is the protective type but slowly, he started to become overly possessive. It was psychotic as if I was his object or toy. He took out all his frustrations on me. He hit me when I said something wrong and locked me if I did something like making food he didn't want to eat.

We were in a toxic relationship and I wasn't having it. It's not that I didn't stand up, I did. I slapped him every time he tried to touch or hurt me, I did everything in my reach but he was more powerful than me, and this got out of hand.

After exactly 2 years of misery, on 20th December, I decided to just end things with Matthew, somewhere deep down, I knew this was right.

Flashback 

Chewing on my fingernails; a gross habit, something I did when I was beyond petrified. You know, when you love someone, you aren't scared of speaking up to them because you know they won't hurt you. That was so not the case with Matthew. He will surely beat me up if I blurt out something wrong.

"Mat-Matthew?" I mumbled, walking inside into his bedroom. As usual, it was a mess. A bunch of beer bottles and clothes splattered onto the once, clean and pristine wood panels.

Clothes wrapped themselves around my feet, almost tripping me as I hastily gripped onto the splintered shelf; cluttered with tin cans and receipts of God knows what.

"What is it? What are you barking about?" He spits, glaring at me as he throws a beer can my way.

Stupid jerk! Motherflipper!

"I am not a garbage bin Matthew, have you no shame?" I retorted, kicking my way towards him as he bolts up and flings his laptop towards me.

I flinched involuntarily as he took huge steps, approaching me. His face burning furiously red and his fists clenched.

"What did you say? You fucking worthless piece of trash?" He snapped, gripping my hair as I instantly clawed at his hands. 

He was hurting me again. Matthew has broken me emotionally and physically. He wanted to show that he had the power over me.

"You are not going to talk to me like that or I'll injure your ugly mouth!" He yells, throwing me to the ground with full force. I am so sure my elbows are injured. Broken, even.

No matter how much Matthew downgrades me, I know for a fact that I am not ugly, no one is.

I have waist-length, dark brown hair with a slight curl to them, big hazel eyes with fluttering lashes, an average 5'6 feet frame.

"We are over Matthew, it's over. You were a pathetic, horrendous boyfriend and I hope no one gets trapped with you after me. You aren't even capable of being called a human. Just a control freak!" I exclaimed, my eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

"Do know that I will call the cops on you and I will hurt you Matthew Smith, more than you have ever hurt me," I whispered, before bending on my knees, grabbing my flip flop and slamming it on his face. 

Huh! You deserve it, you merciless prick!

Not only the slipper, I slapped him twice and being the hot-tempered idiot he is, he tried to grab me by my hair but I kicked him where the sun doesn't shine and ran out of the apartment.

I do wish I told my parents about Matthew and took any action but I couldn't, not after his threats, I can't afford to lose people close to me, not anymore.

Out of all the things Matthew has done to me, I am thankful for only one thing, the others can only make me curse him out. He taught me how to fight for myself, his technique and psychotic ventures were shameless and inadequate yet, just because of that, today, I broke up with him and managed to get my revenge even though it was just a minor slap or hit.

A question gradually arising, did I love him? Or did I just need someone to lean onto? Was I with him just so I could feel how love was?

Now, I have to face my parents...

How will I tell them?

Moreover, how will they react?

I can't see mom or dad upset...

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Hey! I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter, there is a lot more to come!

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Stay safe! <3

-Aubree <3