Dating a popular Kpop boy member wasn't as glamorous as it was put out to be but it also wasn't hard. Well at least for me it wasn't. I was used to little communication and long periods without seeing each other. My father was in the US military for 20+ years it was the norm in my life people didn't understand unless they lived it first hand.
I was always told I would be the perfect girlfriend/ wife or a Kpop idol, but my insecurities would shut that down. I am now in a 2-year relationship with Choi Soobin from TXT. He is touchy and showing affection with PDA type of lover in our relationship. I reciprocate his actions but am very toned down. It was hard for him to understand but he eventually got why after we talked about it.
Today we were sitting at a private bar with some friends and the boys. I preferred to be at home but I had to compromise for the sake of my relationship. Lately, I have been struggling to see what Soobin sees's in me.
Why is he with me? Why does he think I am this special? When will he realize I am not for him? When will this all end like it always do in my tragic life?
My brain kept me up most nights with these questions or similar ones. I would never let them into the world for the sake of mine and Soobin's sanity. I was sitting in the armrest of the chair Taehyun was sitting in. His calm vibes always put me at ease. I never told him but he figured it out pretty quick.
"Hey babe come here please" I heard Soobin call me. I walked over to him and stood next to his seat. He pulled me into his lap and kept the conversation going. I was getting weird looks from some girls I had never seen before. Soobin noticed and hugged me tighter to his body.
"Soobin... let me stand up I am going to hurt you?" I whisper looking anywhere but him.
"Why would you hurt me?" He asked genuinely confused whispering in my ear.
"I gained a little weight and I am going to hurt your legs please let me up..." I pushed his arms away from me and went to the bathroom. The girls followed me but what we all didn't know was that he went after me. I started scrubbing the nasty feeling I had in my hands with soap then rinsing them with water. I did this several times in a matter of minutes.
"Omg Soobin's girlfriend would not look as fat as she does if she wasn't so short."
"Oh, I know! I thought Soobin only liked girls smaller than him in every aspect." I looked in the mirror listening to them outside the bathroom. All I could see in my reflection was a fat face, a double chin, rolls in my side and so many other imperfections. I saw Jabba the hut in the mirror instead of myself.
I walked past them leaving the bathroom and walked straight out the front door. I don't think Soobin noticed but Yeonjun and Taehyun sure did. They got up to follow me and pulled Soobin along.
"(Y/n)! Baby! Where are you going?" He turned me around to see tears rolling down my cheeks.
"I am going home" I sniffle trying to hide the fact I am crying.
"Are you crying because of what those dumb girls said?" I clenched my jaw and wiped my tears.
"I don't think I should be seen with you anymore!" I said a little above a whisper.
"NO! I WILL NOT LET YOU END THIS OVER SOME STUPID MEANINGLESS WORDS FROM MEANINGLESS PEOPLE WE DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!" He yelled letting his frustration and anger out.
"Soobin..." I couldn't form words because he never raises his voice at me.
"NO NO AND NO! Don't you get I love you! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!! I love all of you! How can I show you that you are everything and even more to me? Please" he whispered the last part feeling defeated. I could see his face was sad and I hugged him tight crying harder than I ever have. He hugged me and cooed sweet nothings into my ear.
"I love you too Soobin but there is a lot of stuff I haven't told you I struggle with that I need to fix."
"Let me help you. Let me stand by you! Let me teach you to love yourself. All I ask is that you let me love you as well." I nodded hugging him tighter if that was even possible.
"Thank you Soobin"
"No thank you for being so perfect" we ditched the night out and went home. We sat in a bubble bath together and watched movies. We cuddled in bed until I fell asleep. Everything ended okay... I just needed his help with my battles I thought I could fight by myself.
