From this living nightmare, I try to wake myself up with no hope of any positive results
Lost as fuck I am, with no one but my monstrous thoughts and my devastating feelings, lost in who knows where
Excuse me for not looking you directly in your eyes
The pain I feel, I don't want you nor anyone to see nor feel
The tears I can't keep inside me no more, at the dangerous edge of entering this cruel world
As the tear drips downwards, slowly falling while wetting my sensitive skin
I keep my eyes grounded, my head and my eyes facing the floor
Afraid, no terrified to accidentally meet someone's joyful eyes
Afraid to kill someone's sparkle of happiness, I shamefully have the floor in sight
Every single sound around me become, horrifyingly blurred and distanced, reminding me much of myself and my useless life
Taken over by pure negativity and darkness, I miserably drown
There and then, I can't seem to find myself
Where am I? Definitely not here
My consciousness is just as lost as myself
Gone, just casually gone into the unknown
Where I cannot be found
Right now, I'm just a lost cause
No hope, no nothing
Nothing is what I disappeared into
Am I dead?
That I won't know I guess
If that's the case I'll be fine
Who needs me anyways, am I right?
Going through hell I sure did, used to all the bullshit anyways, so living in hell I wouldn't actually mind
Family and friends I will never forget, I wish I could promise them that, but I don't know for sure
After death, what the fuck to expect?
Hell?
If so, hell yeah, that's well deserved!
The light
The bright bright light, I see
As I slowly open my eyes, more brightness were attacking my vision
Hurting my sensitive eyes
Feeling that sharp pain, as if I just got stabbed
But I wasn't... and now that I'm wide awake, I need to let it all out
Shame or not, I should
Cry my eyes out, bet I'll do
Not caring if anyone sees, cause this is clearly the person I am and that's valid
As all my family and friends stood by my one and only side, supporting me with their unconditional love and care
A tiny smile grew, making everyone question my sadness
That little smile, I turned into something unrealistic and divine
A light fake laughter won't harm no soul
Making everyone think that I'm just fine
Huge and beautiful smiles grow on each of my loved ones faces, that's everything to me
They're everything to me
Therefore only I know what deep sad shit lies buried, deep within me
No one should ever figure it out
That would be a living nightmare
- Mel Rose
YOU ARE READING
Poems by Mel
PoetryOnly poems: Love, thoughts, sadness, struggles, family, friendship, shit and eventually more feelings. Hope you like them ♥️
