YOU - young royals sequel

six (6)

i actually found myself bored through the rest of the day, which was ironic because i had so much on my mind. there was so much i wanted to do right now, but i had to wait. i wanted to walk out of this classroom and beat august shitless most of all right now, but it seems that it's only me that wants to do that. i'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that wilhelm knew. he knew but apparently he wasn't doing anything about it. i don't know how he just sat with that for so long. or maybe he didn't. maybe he was out telling other people for all of christmas break and it just never occurred to him to make sure i knew. or maybe he was lying about everything. what if he was sure i didn't know anything about who released it, and still decided not to tell me.

it's crazy to me how only an hour ago i was in a state of pure bliss about him, and now that i'm alone with my thoughts, i'm questioning everything. well, i was far from alone. i was sitting in a social sciences class surrounded by people on all sides of me. the only difference was that wilhelm wasn't sitting next to me, smiling at everything i did. god, he drives me insane.

i feel bad that he's the only thing i can think about right now. he should be among the least of my worries. i had bigger, more pressing things to worry about. things like having to break it to my sister that her boyfriend, if that's what he is, is an ignorant asshole who almost ruined the price of sweden's life forever. oh, and my life, her brother. because everyone could see that it was me. only people at hillerska knew it was him.

i sighed too loudly and rested my head on my fists. i wished with my whole being i could forget that. i knew that on some off chance (that i don't even know if i want) we get back together, every time he touched me it would never be the same. we would have to be careful. maybe i could, but wilhelm could not afford another so-called "scandal".

why the hell was i even thinking about that. i have no idea what he wants. maybe his feelings changed. maybe he realized it was ridiculous for us to be together. i, once again, had to expect the worst. but i really, really hoped it was a possibility. well i guess there was my answer. i did want something with him. but i don't know if it could ever happen again. normally i would talk to sara about this, but i need to talk to wilhelm before i talk to her so i don't accidentally say the wrong thing.

she'll be crushed. she won't know what to do. that's why i have to be there. i have to be her rock. someone she can always get help from. because that's what she is to me. i could trust her with my life if it came down to it. and now i would have to tell her something that would hurt her. damn it.

as i was about to slouch back into my chair again, the bell rang. i was very grateful for that. now i could actually be alone with my thoughts. i picked up my bag and walked towards the door.

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i've been laying in my bed for almost 30 minutes, my head pulsing with thoughts. i was starting to get nervous about talking to him. much more nervous than i was earlier today. what if our conversation strays away from the situation with august, and we start talking about us. when i'm reminded of what i had with him, what happens if i freeze up because i'm scared to face my feelings? will he think i hate him, and that i don't want anything with him again. that was the last thing i wanted to happen. or was it? wouldn't it be easier just to have him leave me so no one gets hurt again? yes, it would, but that's not what i want. i want him, whether he's figured it out or not. i just wasn't ready to tell him.

i'm getting ahead of myself again.

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after another short 15 minutes, i felt my phone buzz. i quickly turned onto my side and picked it up. the bright "wilhelm" flashed across the screen, giving me the satisfaction of what i had wanted for weeks. i clicked the icon.