14|| Relationships or business deals

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One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.

- Shannon L. Alder


14|| Relationships or business deals


"You said washroom and you never came back." Was the first thing out of his mouth when we reached the end of the backyard.


"Why does that matter?" I asked him.


"I wanted to spend more time with you Char, that's why." He replied.


"Why?" I asked incredulously.


"We had an amazing night and I wanted to spend some time with you. Is it a crime?" He asked hurt.


"That night meant nothing James. We were drunk and we ended up having sex. That's all that'll ever be." I replied.


"You don't mean that. You can't mean that. Not when you kissed me like that, not when you fucked me like that." He started getting agitated.


"What do you mean by that? How I kiss or fuck someone should not show my feelings towards them, unless it is my partner. And James we ended four years ago." I tried to reason with him.


"So you mean to say, you don't want us together? Then why did you not say that? I asked you that the night I told you about my therapy and you never gave me an answer. And then when I'm giving you the space to think about it you go ahead and rile me up and fuck me, not once, not twice but so many more times than that and say you don't want me. Real great Char." He said hurt.


"Listen James. I've loved you almost all my life. And four years ago when you broke up I wasn't ready to accept that. I think I only really accepted it when I got the news that you have a girlfriend.


So, of course there's old flames here and being absolutely pissed drunk didn't help it either. So I encouraged you. I know I should've given an answer before we did anything and I'm sorry I did not. But that night meant nothing more than a one night stand." I replied.


He looked utterly broken at that. I probably squished all the hope he had of us getting back together. But he shouldn't be having such hopes in the first place; he has a girlfriend for crying out loud.


Wait, girlfriend.


"I just helped you cheat on your girlfriend. Shit." I whispered, but he heard it.


"It doesn't matter, she knows about us and that the moment I get the chance to have you falling for me I will be leaving her. She accepted that when I asked her to be my girlfriend." He replied and I gasped.


"How could you do that to the poor girl James? It's a relationship is not a business deal, you can't make clauses like these."


"What is it to you?" He bit out.


"Everything! She probably hates me because the only thing stopping her from getting her happily ever after with you is me. I am the villain in her story, James; of course it matters to me." I scream at him.


"Then say yes to me and help her get her happily ever after, Char." He said in low voice.


A shiver of repulsion shot through my body. I do not know this James. I refuse to know him. 


Maybe it is after all my fault that he became like this. 


Maybe I was never the right person for him, and him trying to fit into that made him like this. Scarred, edgy and unpleasant. 


After all pretending to be someone you are not is taxing; and to be doing it for years is even more so.


"I can't James. I can't get back with you again, ever." I replied and he stared at me.


"Why? I know you still love me, and I love you, so what's stopping us?" He asked.


"Because James, sometimes, love isn't enough." 

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