saving grace

Chapter 9: Thanking You

Conversation was not shared until the car came to a stop in front of the bar. You were about to sit up when you felt that you needed to speak to Cate about the endless thoughts swirling through your brain. You barely lifted your head before lowering it back down on to Cate's thighs.

"Everything okay, darling?" Cate ponders, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear.

You breathe a heavy sigh, "Can I talk to you about something before we go inside?"

"Anything," Cate replies.

You feel like you might throw up. Your head is pounding, hands sweating profusely. You close your eyes in order to strain your following sentences together. Cate must've noticed your mood change as she laid her arm across the width of your stomach, squeezing your side to gain easement.

"Earlier, when I said it had been five years with this thing in my head, I didn't really explain myself. I didn't know how to...and frankly I still don't."

Your voice was shaky, tears forming on your eye lids preparing to drop.

"Breathe," Cate said encouraging you.

"Five years ago...when I was nineteen...my mother died. She was on..."

You sniffled as tears fell, Cate taking her free hand to brush them away. A faint smile formed on your face.

"...she was on her way home from work. It was New Year's Eve and she volunteered to cover the late shift at the hospital. We were struggling with money and time-and-a-half was something she couldn't pass up. On her way home, around 2:00 a.m., a driver ran a stop sign and t-boned the car.."

Your chest tightened harder than it ever had before. Breathing became beyond difficult but you didn't want to sit up, you felt the most safe in her arms, and you were afraid, that if you did move, you wouldn't have the courage to continue on.

A hitch came into your throat and Cate takes her right hand to place in on the side of your neck, her thumb carefully tracing its length, as if she's trying to smooth the hitch out. You breathe slowly, as you attempt to gain composure and merely focus on her touch.

"...the man was drunk. My mom died from the injuries of the impact. At the time I was at my friend's house, singing fucking karaoke when I got the call. My mom...she was...gone before they could even get her out of the car."

Cate breathed a slow, meticulous breath, not wanting to react in any manner that could upset you, although you're not sure she could ever do such a thing.

"I wanted to tell you because, since then, I've tried to stay away from drinking. I know that I took that shot with you at the bar, but you were having a bad day, and I thought you needed a friend. I haven't had more than a glass of wine since that night, five years ago..."

You continued, "...and I know there's probably going to be a bit of drinking going on tonight, so I didn't want you to feel like I wasn't enjoying my time or that something was off. It's a demon of mine just like that damn piano and microphone...that's a different story for another time."

Your eyes remained closed throughout the entire conversation, only opening after finishing on the note of the piano and microphone.

A tear rested on Cate's cheek, and, this time, you were the one to make it disappear.

Cate couldn't say much for she was wrapped up in her own head. You didn't know that the tear she shed was not entirely for you, but her own unfavorable thoughts. Though, Cate understood it was not the time to share such.

You stared into her eyes for a moment before she mustered up the tenacity to speak, and when she did, all that came out was a soft, "thank you."

You knew what she meant by those words. You had shut her out earlier, when all she wanted to do was help, and that wasn't fair.