The One That Got Away (Synyster Gates Series: Book 1)

From Two to Zero

You guys are awesome! I love you all!

Instead of going straight home, I decided to stop by the beach just to take a quick breather and to think about everything that went on tonight. 

I sat on a bench that had a perfect view of the ocean. It was about 300 feet away from Jimmy's house. I looked back at it and remembered all the good times we had together there. I miss Jimbo. I miss having him there to talk to and laugh with, or drink with. It's a harsh pill to swallow knowing that he's gone. I still haven't came to terms with it. Sometimes I feel like he's in there, drinking a beer with Leana or something. But he's not. He's in heaven.

Everything that Matt said tonight was the truth. Jackie and I do belong together. We always have. I feel like a piece of shit because I could have prevented this empty feeling if I would have just waited for Jackie to come to California. But I didn't. I needed to feel loved. Michelle was the only person who made me feel like that. I don't feel it from her anymore. There's no spark. In the beginning there was. But now that Jackie is here, she's all I can think about. She's all I want. But I know if I get her, she'd feel like a load of crap herself because she wouldn't make her family happy. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a good fuck to her. If she really loved me, she'd leave Jesse. But she hasn't and I doubt she ever will. I'd leave Michelle for her. But I'm not about to. What if I do and she never leaves Jesse? I'd be alone again.

The sound of heels drumming against the wooden pathway caused me to turn around only to see Jackie walking with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Jackie what are you doing here?" I asked standing up, walking over to her.

She looked startled, "I just wanted to get away from all of the wedding talk. What are you doing here?" She asked taking my hand and walking us over to the bench.

We sat down, "I just needed to clear my head. It's a long night."

She nodded, "I hear you. You feeling alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. You know when I start thinking my face changes. It's no biggie. What about you? You got sick during your speech. Are you okay?"

"Uh... I.. I, yeah. I'm fine. I think it's a stomach bug."

I leaned forward resting my chin in my hands, "So New Orleans. Were you really serious, or were you just yanking my chain?"

She giggled, "I wasn't yanking anything. I really want to get away with you. Just the two of us."

"Then maybe we should go soon. Your wedding is in a couple of months, isn't it? So that gives us a little bit of time to spend together."

She rolled her eyes, "I don't want to talk about the wedding. I'm really not looking forward to it."

I turned to her, "Can I ask you something?" I decided it's the perfect time to ask her why she doesn't leave Jesse.

"Anything."

"If you don't love Jesse and you don't want to marry him, why are you?"

She looked out to the ocean, avoiding the question. I didn't want to seem persistent so I stood quiet until she answered.

"Because I don't want to disappoint my parents," She let out a sigh, "Brian, if only you could understand this whole thing, then maybe you would see where I'm coming from or why I need to marry him."

"You don't need to. It honestly looks like you want to marry him. What? Is it because he makes more money? Because I can always take a side job like produce music or teach lessons and get money. Matt's right. You don't belong with Jesse. You don't belong with anyone but me. Don't you think if you really loved me like you say you do, that you'd leave Jesse and come with me?"