The One That Got Away (Synyster Gates Series: Book 1)

This Is What Makes Us Girls

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Jackie's POV

I stepped out on the balcony of the banquet hall where the rehearsal dinner was being held at. For being August, it was pretty cold. I had goosebumps on my arms, similar to the ones I get when Brian touches me.

My heart sank into the pit of my stomach just thinking about him and the event that happened earlier. I remembered how I said this whole thing is a mistake. It is a mistake. I can't go through with this.

"Jacqueline." My mom said from behind me. I turned around and smiled, "Jackie, your aunt Brianna is here. She came all the way from Florida for you. Won't you come in and say hi?"

I stood silent. I didn't want to go in there. I didn't want to pretend or practice being Jesse's wife. It's horrible.

"Mom, we need to talk." I said, leaning my back against the balcony railing.

"Oh, about what sweetie?" Her tone went from snobby to sweet. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, "I don't want to do this..." She rolled her eyes, "Mom, before you say anything can you atleast hear me?" She didn't speak so I assumed I had the floor to myself. "I don't love Jesse. I never have. He's not the one for me. I don't want to get married. I don't want to pretend I'm happy."

"Jackie, don't you want to see your father and I happy? Marrying Jesse would make us very happy. Ever since you two began dating, our relationship has improved so well, as has mine and your's. He's right for you. I'm sure you just have cold feet."

I felt some tears that wanted to escape from my eyes, "Mom. I don't have cold feet. I'm not nervous. I don't want to marry him."

Her face grew tense. She took a couple steps towards me, "I busted my ass to give you a perfect wedding. The least you can do is appreciate it. You're going to marry Jesse. Whether you like it or not. Do I make myself clear?"

"I'm not going to ma-"

"Yes you are!" She shouted, "God damn it Jacqueline. Que no entiendes? You're marrying him. Get over this little phase you're in." She turned around and walked away.

I couldn't take this. I'm on the verge of jumping over this balcony. I turned around and let all my tears out. There I go again, getting weak...

I can't marry him. It's a sin if I marry him with out having any deep emotional feelings for him.

I heard footsteps behind me. I quickly wiped my tears away. "Are you having fun?" Jesse asked, snaking his arms around me from behind. I turned around and nodded, "What's wrong?" He stepped back a little to get a better view.

"Nothing." I replied cleaning the smeared make up under my eye. I smiled, hoping it would convince him.

He wasn't convinced though. By the look on his face, he knew something was wrong. "Are you sure? It looks like you've been crying."

"No, no, no. I just have allergies. I always get them around this time. I'm fine though. Really."

He hummed, "Well, we're about to do speeches. I think you should come inside." He took my hand, leading me into the banquet hall.

"Can you just give me a minute? Please. I promise I'll be inside. I just need to catch a breath of fresh air." He nodded, then released my hand. I closed the double doors and went back to the balcony. I contemplated jumping but what good would that do? I just needed to map out my life for a second.

Jesse hadn't told me he loved me in about a month. I wasn't really worrying about it, but it did mean something. Maybe he just didn't feel it. Maybe his parents are forcing him to do this as well. I need to know how he feels about this. But why isn't he as uneasy as I am? He seems so calm and excited.