***
At first, the shoot was going on well. We're all doing our jobs and the model are doing theirs. Nakikisama naman 'tong si Nathan, buti naman. Pero, para akong natutunaw sa tuwing titignan niya ang camera. He looks so serious and...Like he's so hard to reach. Parang bawal siya hawakan.
"Okay, let's take a break," sabi ko sa kaniya at ngumiti ako ng konti. Tinignan ko ang camera at pumunta doon sa maliit kong table kung nasaan ang mga computers at iba iba pa. May kasama ako para i-edit ang iilan sa mga photos. I took a lot, and I din't even realize that. It's like I enjoyed it a lot. Pero hindi pwede! I can't possibly feel anything for him right? I dumped him many times because our relationship is wrong. So, why do I feel like I'm lying in a cloud whenever I see him?
"Excuse me. May I talk to this photographer?" nagulat pa ako sa kaniya dahil bigla bigla siyang lumilitaw. He was talking to the man who's editing his photos. Natulala pa ito saglit bago napatango ng maraming beses. Kabado pa ako nang magkatitigan kami. I know what's going to happen. And I'm not happy about it. I followed him to his tent dahil do'n siya papunta. Nasilip ko na walang tao do'n sa loob kaya kinabahan ako. Hindi ako komportable.
"Go in," utos niya. Nakatingin lang ako sa baba at nagdadalawang isip. I can't right? I'm here to do my job and not to be with him. I can't include our personal arguments to my job. Makakaapekto 'yon. Isa pa, hindi 'to kasama sa mga gagawin ko ngayon. All I'm going to do is to take pictures of him and pass it. 'Yon lang! Walang kasamang personal na mga ganito.
"I'm sorry sir. But I am not allowed to enter tents that are for models," I told him. We're really not allowed to! I didn't lie to that part. Besides, I don't want to be with him or to talk to him. In the future, I might talk to him. Just to clear things up. I just need enough time. But right now, I can't. I'm not ready.
"But I'm telling you to. Assisting your model is still part of your job," matalim ang titig niya sa 'kin. Gusto kong umirap. Gusto ko siyang sungitan. Pero wala ako sa lugar para gawin 'yon. Marahan na lang akong tumango at yumuko pa nang pumasok. I saw two chairs inside na parang para sa 'min talaga ito. But I didn't sit. He might think that I'm willing to do this. Earlier, he was wearing that stupid smirk that I really hate. Gusto kong ibato sa kaniya ang camera.
I stood up straight and I'm also looking straight. Trying not to act dumb or whatever. Ilang beses pa ba kami magkikita ng bwisit na 'to? Hindi na ako natutuwa. Everytime I let go of him, the next few days or weeks, we'll see each other again! And he'll find a way for the both of us to talk. Pinapanindigan talaga niya ang sinabi niya sa 'kin way back when I was fifteen. But I want him to stop! Kasi...Hindi ko kayang suklian 'yon. He deserves someone way better than me.
"I heard about your family," his voice was deep and husky at the same time. From my peripheral vision, I know that he's looking at me. Nakatalikod siya sa isang lamesa at nakapatong ang mga siko niya do'n na para bang chill na chill siya habang ako ay natetense dito.
