his flower queen (nikolai lantsov)

Infinite Lives

Kaida stepped out the door as it closed to a shut. Nikolai's pained face infested her mind and she couldn't just leave him alone in that room though it may have been best for him. He'd been there for her when she needed, and she planned to do the same. She turned around and opened the door and shut it quietly not wanting to ruin the prince's brooding thoughts. 

She walked to him where he was resting his hands on a desk, holding the weight of the new information he received with those bare hands. Kaida placed her own hand onto his, lifting the pain away from him, sharing it with her. She stroked it gently. 

"I told you to go," Nikolai grunted out yet he didn't pull his hand away from her touch. 

"I couldn't leave you on your own after what just happened." Kaida replied soothingly. 

Nikolai scoffed as he pulled his hand away, "If you're here to simply tell me how awful my father is and tell me how much in common you see me in him even if he's not my real father, then save it because I'm already doing it." 

Kaida turned and leaned her back on the edge of the desk. "I'm not here to judge you for something you're not. I'm here to listen to whatever you need to let out or to simply stand beside you as you think quietly to yourself. I can't imagine what you're feeling at the moment, but I'm going to stay by your side every step of the way, just like you have with me." 

Nikolai stared at the wall across him, his jaw clenching and unclenching. He breathed out shakily, closing his eyes for a moment. He faced her brushing his hand to hers tenderly already missing her touch. 

"I wonder... though he may not be my real father, I've been raised by him. And I wonder if I'm subconsciously just like him. A man with no morals. A man who abuses his power. A man who takes advantage of... people," he paused as his eyes observed every bit of Kaida's features. "It terrifies me but I don't want anybody to know the fear I hold. I have to keep up my composure to keep the soldiers calm and create hope that we will win this war. It's sometimes so... tiresome to keep up the prince charming act when all I want is to..." his eyes fell to her lips. His free hand trapped her on the edge of the desk as he towered over her. 

Kaida gulped, "To...?" 

"Kaida, your ocean blue orbs soothe me, your touch drives me crazy and every time I hear you laugh, I get drunk on it. I want to kiss you to oblivion my darling. I want us to forget of this world and start a new one together where it's just you and me." Nikolai admitted. 

The more he talked, the more her heart leaped but pieces of it peeled away with every beat like a fire; the ashes floating bit by bit from the fire that stood roaring hopefully. If he wanted to kiss her, why wasn't he doing anything? If he did, his plan wouldn't be ruined. Nobody would see him and it could be kept a secret. Perhaps that's the problem... She didn't want them to be hidden away, she wanted the world to know that she was his and he was hers, that if they were together they could conquer all and fix the world piece by piece. Perhaps he also wants what I desire. But she longed for his lips on hers, she'd been apart from the boy that was in front of her for too long and she knew what she wanted now: him, all of him, from his handsome looks to his annoying yet charming character. She wasn't afraid of her feelings anymore and trusted the prince with her life. Slowly, she leaned in to see what he would do. He seemed to be doing the same until his forehead touched hers and his soft, gentle lips didn't connect with her own. His eyes were shut as were hers. 

"I want to kiss you so badly my flower," Nikolai said. "But I won't. I fear it is not the right moment to do so. You deserve more than a kiss in a war room and terribly, all I can think of is what my father has done at the moment..." 

Kaida smiled sadly, she respected his decision and would not force him upon anything. She kissed his knuckle, muttering, "You have nothing to fear my beloved Nikolai, you are a good man who respects everyone and does what is best for the people. I earnestly believe you think of others too much and forget yourself. And in my humble opinion, you use your advantage as prince for the better; to improve and protect Ravka. Nobody can ask for a better prince... or shall I say soon-to-be king?" 

With that, he gave her a small smile. She kissed his other knuckle and told him, "Also, I believe a kiss from you anytime is more than what I deserve, so you should not worry about that at all." 

She then gave him an embrace with as much love she could muster as he nuzzled into her neck hoping to clear his mind of what had happened earlier with the person he loved most in this life and the future ones he prayed he had if it meant he could be with her.