his flower queen (nikolai lantsov)

love

Alina woke to tell the crew that she visited the Darkling through a vision of sort and was told that David had left some valuable notes in the Little Palace that he was going to use to go through the Fold and attack West Ravka. David explained that it was called lumiya that the Darkling was talking about. 

This made them change their plans, but they didn't rush any of it as Kaida would've liked to. 

Kaida paced back and forth in her room as she bit her nails. Her mind was racing through different thoughts such as finding the Firebird, defeating the Darkling, her future and Nikolai. 

The plan was that she was going to help find the Firebird so that Alina could end the war once and for all and kill the bastard who started it all. 

After Tamar asked her what she wanted to do after everything was over, she had given it a deeper thought and definitely knew that she was going to go to Ketterdam and study healing. Although, she was quite talented at healing with the grisha powers, she hadn't much knowledge of healing without it and was curious to see if it was similar. Also, if she learnt how to heal without her powers, then she would be able to hide that part of her from the people she might meet in Ketterdam and act like an ordinary person. 

Nikolai barged into the room with his endearing smile spread across his face. His eyes were even smiling as his crow's feet outshone the rest of his features except for the hazel twinkling with pure joy. 

"We should go on another date." he demanded, a hand held out for her to grab. 

"I suppose I can't deny a King's request." Kaida replied. She ignored his hand as she strode out. She didn't want to feel his touch and have to let go again, it made her feel lost and empty every time. 

Before turning, Nikolai took a deep breath as he bit the inside of his cheek after being rejected by Kaida to hold his hand. His hand dropped pathetically to his side. In front of her though, his smile still shined. He couldn't wait to show Kaida what was going on. 

"What are we going to do?" asked Kaida, attempting to hide her excitement. Whenever she got to spend time with him, her rotten heart bloomed again. He was her spring. 

"There's a miracle upstairs, and it won't wait." 

"Never one to oversell it, are you, Lantsov?" 

 "It's not overselling if you deliver." 

They climbed up the stairs fairly quickly, her trying to avoid any contact while he tried to get closer to her, respectfully. Both of them wanted the other's touch so desperately. The longer they didn't, the larger the desire grew.

When they reached the top of the stairs and entered the Spinning Wheel, Kaida's jaw dropped. The lanterns had been extinguished so that the room was dark, but all around them, stars were falling. The windows were lit with streaks of light cascading over the mountaintop, like bright fish in a river. 

"Meteor shower," said Nikolai as he led her carefully through the room. People had laid blankets and pillows on the heated floor and were sitting in clusters or lying on their backs, watching the night sky. 

"It's so..." Kaida couldn't find the perfect word for such a beautiful sight. 

"Beautiful, captivating, enchanting?" Nikolai finished for her, staring at her and her only. 

She nodded still in awe of the sight. 

"I don't think any of those words do it justice." Nikolai whispered, turning his face back to the meteor shower. 

The tiny light from the meteor shower reflected in her bright eyes. She'd never saw anything of the like before and was grateful of Nikolai for bringing her up there to experience it. 

He lightly held Kaida's hand and led her through the crowd to a quiet nook near the western terrace. It was a big risk to take, but luckily it seemed nobody paid any attention to the two. 

Once they stopped, he didn't let go and she couldn't let go. From just a single act, the love from them both that they held to themselves poured out to the other. If they let go, then it would spill out forever and ever until they were drained of love. 

He softly kissed her knuckle and muttered her name against it. His eyes were shut, forgetting the beautiful view and soaking this moment with the girl he loved. 

"Nikolai, please stop." Kaida looked anywhere but him, tears teasing to fall. 

He gazed at her profile, his heart breaking at the sight of her sadness. He was to blame for that. 

"You're getting married once this is all over. I shouldn't be here. Alina should." Kaida explained. 

"I know," sighed Nikolai. "But there's a very slim chance that we're going to survive and I want to spend every waking moment with you. Not Alina." 

She forced herself to look at him. She thought of the time when the Darkling attacked the Grand Palace suddenly and she didn't get the chance to tell Nikolai how she felt. That was a mistake she didn't wanted to make again. 

Once the war was over, he'd get married to Alina and she'd be in Ketterdarm. But right now it was just them and she was going to make it a memorable time. 

"I want to hold you tight and love you. I want us to be something more than a king and a soldier," he continued as he squeezed her hand, "even if it's just this moment. For once, I want us to be real and not only in my dreams." 

"You dream of us?" Kaida asked hopefully. 

"Every night since the day I met you." 

Her heart swelled. He had loved her all that time. Even when her demons had controlled her. He loved the wounded Kaida and the healing Kaida.

"Before I met you. I hadn't a clue of what love was. From growing up with parents who never showed affection for one another and never once been loved by them, it scared me to finally accept the feelings I have for you. It was foreign to me and truly terrified me with all the emotions sneaking up on me," she blew a shaky breath, "But I'm so grateful that I was able to experience it with you. You're a good man Nikolai and I... I love you." 

Nikolai listened to every word that came out of her lips and when she told him she loved him, he didn't know what to do. Was he to attack her with a hug or a kiss? Yell that Kaida loved him so the others could feel his happiness? There was no way to express what he was feeling. Hurt, love, joy, sorrow. 

Without thinking, he leaned in as he raised his eyebrows in question that he had consent for what he was about to do which she gave a single nod to. His hand cupped her soft cheek and pulled her face closer to his. Their hearts beat faster and faster as one, unable to extend the moment they've both dreamt of for months what felt like years. Their eyes shut, but their thoughts only of each other. Kaida's raven hair and blue starling eyes engraved in his mind while Nikolai's golden curls and crooked nose engraved her's. Then he kissed her. The meteor showers illuminated their hearts that have been broken one too many times and will continue to do so for they knew their paths were not meant to be. But at that moment, they lied to themselves. Lied that they were not King and soldier, that they were two lovers relishing their evanescent life together for they did not know how much longer they had. 

Her hand was tangled in his hair she adored while the other hand rested on his solid shoulder. His continued to cup her cheeks while he firmly wrapped his arm around her waist, protecting her from the cruel world they were brought in - though he knew that if anyone were to survive life's brutality, it was her. 

"I love you..." He muttered against her tender cherry lips. "I love you..."