his flower queen (nikolai lantsov)

this is it

After watching the Darkling and Alina burn on the pyre, Kaida snuck to the royal barracks to reach the Lantsov quarters. 

There was a guard near the entry but Kaida didn't feel like talking to him, so she simply made him pass out. The man fell to the floor with a thud. As Kaida stepped over him, she made sure to check he wasn't hurt and fortunately, he wasn't. 

After walking for a bit, she reached a set of heavy double doors, their handles the heads of two screaming eagles. 

She knocked. The room was dark, lit only by the blaze of a fire in the grate. It took her a moment to pick Nikolai out in the gloom. He was seated in front of the fire, his polished boots propped up on a cushioned stool. A plate of food sat beside him, along with a bottle of kvas, though Kaida knew he preferred brandy. 

At the sound of the door shutting, Nikolai started. He jumped to his feet and bowed. "Forgive me," he said. "I was lost in thought." Then he grinned uncomfortably and added, "Unfamiliar territory."

Kaida leaned back against the door. A lapse. Covered with charm, but a lapse nonetheless. "You don't have to do that." 

"But I do." His smile slipped as his gaze fell back onto the fire, visibly trying to avoid the girl in the room. 

Kaida sighed then crossed the room. The long table was littered with documents and sheaves of letters emblazoned with the royal seal. 

A book lay open on the chair. "May I?" she asked gesturing to sit next to him. 

"Yes, of course." Nikolai sputtered, as he fumbled moving the book. 

"Why do you keep avoiding me?" she went straight to the point.

"I'm not-" 

"Yes you are. And I can't think of a reason why you are." 

He sighed, "I'm scared of what you might think of me, now that I'm this, monster." He raised his hands which had nicks and cuts. Faint black lines still ran along each of his fingers where claws had shoved their way through his skin. 

"I think you're so very brave and my thoughts about you haven't changed a single bit. I still think you're the stupid and annoying prince that I fell madly in love with." She assured him, taking hold of his hands, tracing the black lines.

He laughed the laugh that she could listen to forever and never get tired of. 

"What? Not the romantic and heroic prince?" he joked. 

"Well... Since you saved me multiple times as a privateer, prince and monster - as you call it - I don't have much of a choice but to say you are very heroic." 

"And?" 

"And romantic." Kaida shook her head giggling. 

"I'm glad to hear it." 

After the two watched the flames quietly, she started to speak with a shaky voice, "I'm here to let you know that I'm leaving." 

Before entering his room, she had already come up with a script to say, so that she would know exactly what to tell him, get it over with without tears and leave, but it was already a mess. Her vision was blurred and she was already sniffling. 

This caught Nikolai's attention as he looked up sharply. "You're leaving?" 

"Yeah." 

"Will you come back? Where are you going? How long have you planned this?" His eyebrows were furrowed, his mouth ajar in shock. 

"I always knew I was going to leave. I don't know for how long I'll be gone, but I'll be in Ketterdam." She answered all his questions. 

He looked defeated as he leaned back on his chair. Messing up his hair, he sucked in his lips as he faced the ceiling.