It will be fine. . . . I promise?

Chapter 10~ Its missing

 When you are alone you are not alone, you are simply lonely and there is a tremendous difference between loneliness and aloneness. When you are lonely you are thinking of the other, you are missing the other. Loneliness is a negative state. You are feeling that it would have been better if the other were there, your friend, your mother, your beloved, your husband. It would have been good if the other were there, but the other is not. Loneliness is absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.

Liam was nice enough to drop me and Niall home at lunch time after he treated us to an amazing breakfast. Hashbrowns, bacon, spaghetti, eggs. It was honestly one of the nicest things a person could do for a hungover friend. I didnt eat much but Niall on the other hand, didnt show a sweat when he swollowed every crumb down without a hassle. 

I took in the scent of Liam's car, Vanilla and cinnamon, before getting out and waving goodbye to him as I watched him drive away. Something about him leaving. It made me sad. Lonely. Empty. Ive never felt this before. If this is liking someone, then what is love.

I made my way into the house, praying to god that Rach and Dad were at work and Cass was with them as I hadnt got to the point of changing back into my sweats and hoodie before we left Liams. I stepped through the door into a neat and tidy house breathing in the sweet scent of lilac and lavender. Rachel always loved making the house smell lovely, even when know one was home. She would light a small scented candle before leaving the house so when she got home the house smelled 'devine'.

The house was empty, just like I felt just moments ago. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed some aspirin and a cold bottle of water and made my way up to my room. Breathing in the freshly lit candle that Rachel had lit before she left for work with Cass. I opened my room and almost choked on my aspirin when I walked into a completely destroyed bedroom. The sheets of the bed were scattered everywhere. Bits and bobs everywhere on the floor. Clothes from my wardrobe thrown eveywhere. What happened? Whats going on? I stood there thinking for a little bit until something jogged my mind. NO!

I dropped everything and ran to my closet to find everything had been puled out. I rummaged through my stuff. No! Where is it?! I felt a tear fall from my tear ducts. It had to be somewhere. I cant lose it. If it was gone. Then I was nothing. After I had torn through every single thing in my room, I felt my knees go weak beneath me. I lay on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest and cried. And cried. And cried. I didnt know what to do. If I didnt get it back then what I am is no longer. I would be nothing. With out it I am nothing. 

I lay there for an hour and a half before I worked up the energy to do something. I grabbed my phone out of my bra and dialled the first number that came to mind. 

5 minutes after the call I heard someone burst through the door and sprint their way upstairs. I stood their waiting for that person to emerge from behind my bedroom, and when he did, I fell straight into his arms and cried my heart out. 

"Its ok Kodie. Everythings going to be ok." Him warm soft voice said in a conforting tone. He led me down the stairs and into the living room. "I'll quickly call the police. We need to find out who did this." He said in a serious voice. He grabbed the telephone amd diall 911 and talked to the receptionist on the other line while I walked back up to my room to examine what once used to be my loving bedroom, but now is a crime scene. Something I loved and cherished had been stolen. Taken away from me just like that. I looked around, feeling more and more tears slip down my already tear stained cheeks. 

I walked around over to my desk and noticed nothing was out of place on there. Everything was fine. I went over and sat on the spinny chair. My blinds were up and I noticed Niall sitting at his desk on the other side of my window. I really didnt want him seeing me like this. I quickly shut my blinds before he seen me in the state I was in. I lay my head down on the table my hands on the back of my head until I noticed something uncomfortable under my butt. I got up and noticed a purple piece of card. I swear Harry had taken that with him. I grabbed it off the seat and examined it. What I thought was the note from my locker, was actually something different. This was a new one. It was freshly folded. The scent was strong and exilerating. I slowly unfolded it and broke into tears again when I read what was on it.