It will be fine. . . . I promise?

Chapter 33~ Any Progress? (Part 1)

Im so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SORRY this chapter is literally beyond lateness it should be a crimeseriously but It's up and new chapters to come I really want to finish this book an get started on the new one coming up which I have a fantastic Idea forI just need this book done and dusted for it to be formally released ! Wooh Hope you guys had an amazing christmas awesome new years and are having fun in the snow the sun where ever you are <3

On my way to rehab and I'm starting to think things over a little better. I'm not actually ill. It's all in my head. It's not all my fault. There's things that made me this way. Things that made me so fucked up. Things that made me hate myself so much. 

So I made a mental list on the things that made me the way I am. 

~Harry. Yes I loved him and still do to the point where it hurts every inch of my body but I can't be around him knowing the shit he's caused me. 

He's the reason I got shit from Paris. He's the reason why I tried killing myself in the first place. He went mental at me for no apparent reason and thats what set me off the first time. 

Which brings me to another reason.

~Moving to Cheshire.

Why did I even move to Cheshire? Because my life was shit back in New Zealand and what has moving here done to me? Its done Jack shit. Its even made everything worse. What with Dad abandoning me for that whore of a Step mum and then suddenly turning up on my door step wanting back in my life. 

Ive had such a shit life but I know I'm not one to complain because I had it all. Best friends, an amazing boyfriend, lots of money and a good career choice. Where as there are people out in Nepal living under the extreme Poverty line. Living off what like $3 a day? I wouldnt be able to do that.

Though I pretty much have been ever since Harry left me, not eating anything but tablets to keep my protein levels high.

I guess what I'm actually trying to say is that I could of avoided all this. Listened to Niall about keeping my distance from Harry, which would of avoided Paris and not had the whole school turn against me and I wouldnt have family issue's either. 

~~~~~~~

I arrived at The Hartford Rehibilation Centre and felt a sudden wave of hatred. My mood suddenly changed rapidly. I no longer gave any fucks about anything. I didnt care about whether my hair was okay. Or whether anyone would like me in there. I just wanted out of here. 

Knowing this when I havent even stepped inside is probably considered sterotyping but by the looks of the building I knew exactly how I felt about this. 

And who actually wants to be in Rehab. They all just want to be better, they dont want to go through the progress of seeing a councillor every day until theyre better which coud infact end up being 5 years. 

I was walked through the entrance of the Rehab and was checked in. I followed behind, keeping an eye on my surroundings. The fake blonde at the counter looking at me like I was about to enter hell and she was opening the door. 

Those Red lips, persed into a crooked smirk, fake lashes, everything about her. Screamed I'm fake come and melt me!

I was then showed the Rec Hall. It looked quite normal. Like the Cafeteria back home.

Tables spread everywhere with people sitting down eating a tray of food. People at the window just starting out like there was something interesting out there when actually there wasnt.

"This is the Rec Hall. This is where you'll spend  most of your time. When you have guests here, when your just hanging around with nothing to do and also your 3 meals a day. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner." The old man said whom was leading me around. He seemed lovely, could ol' lad but I wasnt here to make friends.