Love Torment (Old Version)

41

"That's how you make memories."

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FINALLY.

When last did I feel that calm? When last did I have time to do what I wanted to do? It felt like a dream. Everything was going incredibly smoothly. Smooth to the point that I felt that nothing bad could happen. I was becoming deluded. I was aware.

I was seated on the maroon rug crossed-legged. My back was resting on the front of the bed. Being seated on the floor was most comforting. I had my speakers placed beside me. They played music from a playlist I hadn’t listed to in ages. A playlist filled with music of all genres. I was taking myself on an emotional rollercoaster. Each song was transporting me to its world.

Spanish Guitar by Toni Braxton was playing. I was filled with a romanticized mood.

Dixie was sleeping soundly in my lap. We hadn’t had much bonding time. She understood that I was under the effect of the love dust. That my only focus was Siege but she was a bit annoyed. She couldn’t resist my unchallenged petting skills. She was over it condemningly fast. 

In my hands was my tablet. I was finishing up old drawings I had long forgotten about. Sketching on my tablet had become scarce. I was enjoying the moment of serenity I was experiencing. I was getting a little emotional. I could feel the tears warming up my eyes.

With the necklace resting around my neck, all the magic was neutralized. I only had my emotions left. The Vixen king told me it wasn’t a 100% effective solution nor was it permanent but it got rid of most of the uncontrollable stuff. Even so, I found myself tearing up when I thought. It didn’t matter what I was thinking about. I would simply tear up. It was inevitably uncontrollable.

What the hell did I have to live for? Not that I wished for death. I pitied myself. When I thought about what my life had become. I was tearing up because I had thirty minutes to myself and my emotions? I envied the Vixen princess, Jordan, who complained about her arranged marriage but knew she had the final say. I envied Mia and Javan who lived their lives filled with moments of their choosing. I envied the damn fly in the room who knew there was nothing I could do about his air dance around my head.

When would I start living my own life? When the opportunity presented itself, what would I do with it?

I ADMIT.

I got a little greedy to begin with. I wanted a boy who was so adamant about hating me. I let myself get tangled up in his doubt. I forced my own emotions on him knowing he wasn’t in a position to return them. Only to wanted to back out last minute. It was a little too late then. Then I got hit with the love dust. I was already a little too bold with my feelings for Siege. The love dust amplified those emotions. It made me senseless and shameless. A whole lot more than before. A good thing did come out of it. Siege grew certain of what he wanted to do with his feelings for me.

My question was…

Now what?

We were both aware that it wasn’t going to be happily ever after. Especially for me. I was an idiot. I knew my aunt and friends disappearing wasn’t a mere happening of fate. My uncle, who my mother’s family despised, was asked to take care of me? It didn’t make sense. Something was happening. I wasn’t sure what it was but I was sure it was a little bigger than Siege deciding whether or not to kill me.

Perhaps I wanted to cry because I knew the stillness wouldn’t last. That Siege and I would have to part for good. For the safety of the other. There was no telling what our families would do when they found out about us.

We only had a few moments to savour. We didn’t know how long it would last. We were just going to make the most of it. Before the storm came.

‘’How long do you plan on documenting my every move?’’ I questioned Siege who was standing by the door of the room with a camera in his hands. He had taken the liberty of recording my every movement from the moment we set foot on the land of the Vixen.