Love Torment (Old Version)

Seven

9 years ago...

"Yikes, ain't it tense in here?"

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I tried to uphold my smile but the stares I was receiving from my parents were making it difficult for me to compose myself. I was accustomed to their bleak demeanor but, suddenly, things felt a whole lot tenser when Sharia was around. It was the first time my parents allowed a guest into the home. Pardon me, the house. Much less a guest for me. There was something entirely improper about the situation and dynamic of things.

Perhaps it was the contrast between Sharia's wholesome perky aura and the otherwise dark aura from my parents. Perhaps it was the way Sharia smiles as if the day of my birth was a joyous occasion to be celebrated. Perhaps it was the way Sharia sang the womb escape day tune that we chorused at school for many others. She sang it with such energy as if she wasn't the only one doing so in a dark and tense dining room area with two dark-eyed parents stiffly staring.

The room was dark with only a few candles on the table to shine a light. The paint on the walls was a dark beige. The table was dark brown. The cake was dark chocolate. My parents sat at the other side of the table as Sharia and I sat at the other end.

"-Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you!" Sharia finished off singing with a sigh. She looked from my tight smile to the aloof stares from my parents with a questioning look of confusion. She glanced at the cake and then back at my parents.

"Where are the candles for the cake?" Sharia questioned my parents ever so casually. As if it was a done thing for kids to ask questions.

My parents glanced at each other for a moment, as if they were in silent conversation. They turned back to Sharia and me. My mother's gaze was on mine.

"To your room, with your friend." My mother told me blankly. She paid no mind to Sharia beside me.

As I glanced at Sharia, I could see that she had plenty to say so I grabbed her by the arm and nodded at my mother. Sharia made her way off the chair and followed me as I continued to hold onto her arm.

It was a journey heading up the stairs, at that point, I let go of Sharia's arm and gave her space to walk on her own.

"What's up with your parents?" She questioned me as she gave a voice of concern. I kept my eyes trained forward. Sharia hadn't gotten the worst of my parents. They were acting nicely in the presence of a guest.

My birthday had never been celebrated before. I had never had a cake of my own. No doubt I wouldn't eat it but it was a nice gesture.

Sharia had forced herself into our home. With her persistence and strong-willed attitude, she got what she wanted. A sleepover at my house for my birthday. Everything did not go as planned. She was the only person I was allowed to invite and that was one more than what my parents were willing to host.

I was grateful for the company as much as I didn't enjoy the nervous churn at the pit of my stomach. It was as if something bad was going to happen and I didn't want Sharia to witness it.

"They're not used to guests." I told her with a shrug as I opened the door to my room. Neglecting to mention that my parents despised me and did everything in their power to prevent my happiness.

When I was born, my parents were quite excited. I was supposed to be the vessel of great things. Years went by and it showed that I was not, in fact, the vessel of great things. I was the vessel for nothing. THE VESSEL WAS EMPTY. My parents weren't shy about voicing their concerns. They didn't go a day without reminding me that I wasn't worthy to be called their child.