Raison D'être

Shattered

Anastasia 

I spent my birthday as I have for the past 4 years. Up on this abandoned building, only now I have Aurora in my arms, humming softly to her. I gaze over at the city before glancing down at her.

"You are so beautiful. You're eyes, your lips, you're little nose," I trace my finger over her beautiful features. "I love it when you giggle," my smile is probably huge right now. I love Aurora so much if those words were even enough. I can't even begin to describe this feeling I have for her, this love is just unmeasurable. Little does she know now, I would do anything for her.

I begin to take out a little bag containing the cupcake Carla made me. When Carla asked when my birthday was, I told her the day after my real one. Although she doesn't know my real birthday, she always bakes me a cake, surprising me with a new flavor each year. I'd rather spend my birthdays alone up here. Yes, I know it sounds strange being at the top of an abandoned building alone on my birthday, but for me, it's the most comforting feeling. The first time I came here, I made a wish despite not seeing any stars. I wished for Aurora to be born healthy and she was. I feel like I owe this spot. Besides, the view of the city each year still manages to take my breath away.

As I sing happy birthday, Aurora giggles as her hands reach out towards the flame. As I blow it out, I exhale realizing I'm 21 now. 21 years of being alive, and now I have more years to cherish with Aurora. I glance back over at her before she says "mama," I smile at her words. Ever since she started making baby noises, I embedded the word mama into her cute little head. And every time she says mama she makes me giddy like the first time she said it.

Throwing the lighter back into my pocket, I take Aurora in my arms. I look at the city once more before making my way back inside and down the steps. Reaching towards the bottom, I hear noises. I look over at the room on the side and see three men speaking. They were all above my meager height of 5'3, feeling a little stupid at having celebrated an inch of growth. Two men, both 6'4 and one man a little shorter, maybe 6'2. All I know is that I need to get out, but before I can Aurora says "mama." I no longer feel giddy, but pure panic. The men halt their conversation and look over towards me. I do what feels like the only logical thing, run. As I make my way out of the building, my collar is grabbed and I hold a tighter grip on Aurora. As my steps begin to falter, I am backed into a wall. Both men that were 6'4, have ugly tattoos on their necks, one that catches my eye is a skull with wings behind it in the center of their throat. The man that was 6'2 is behind them, eyeing me carefully with his arms folded. He does not look related to them, while these men look Russian, he looks like he is of Italian descent. He has straight hair that is slicked back, but some strands are in his face after running. His tattoo is words that are trailed up on the side of his neck to just below his ear. Slowly backing away with Aurora held up against me, I beg. "Please, just let us go. I didn't see anything."

Both of the Russian men snicker before one of them says "you've seen our faces. That's a problem" His Russian accent is thick, and I can't help but feel even more intimidated. The other Russian turns over to the Italian man asking if I am Italian, to which he shakes his head unfazed. The one that has spoken to me before tsks plucking Aurora from my hold, "no!" The other Russian shoves me on my back as I try to reach out for my baby. Panic begins to ensue once more as I plead with them, "please my child. Please give her back!" The one not carrying my baby slaps me hard making me fall back once more and my head spins.

The Italian man clears his throat, "Just let the civilians be. Give her back her child and let them go." As he steps closer to them, both of the Russians snicker and the one holding my baby says "now Luciano, I think we'll accept this as your payment."

Hearing that I plead, "no! Please, just give my baby back!" The Italian man steps in front of me and speaks with more urgency, "I'll double our payment, just let the child go." The Russian laughs at his offer before the one holding my precious Aurora speaks up, "More money? We don't need money, especially if it comes from the Italians. This little thing," as he raises Aurora a little, "this we will consider our payment."

The other Russian speaks up as they begin to walk away, "it was a pleasure doing business with you Mr. Amoretto." He gives an evil grin before walking down the street towards their car.

I can't. I won't let this happen. I begin running towards them begging and pleading. "Please! Please! Please! Let me have my daughter back! I beg you." As Aurora's cries become louder, I try to grab her from his hold. The man with the evil grin pulls me back by my hair, and I wince as more tears stream down my face. Getting up, they both get inside the car and speed off. I run down the sidewalk trying to catch up with the car, but it's no use. My short legs can't keep up with the car, crying and screaming "my baby!" before the distance and tears blur my vision. I try to keep up, but they turn the corner leaving me childless.

I failed. My baby is gone. As I drop to my knees, I continue to sob. The Italian man is now behind me with a hand on my shoulder. I jerk my shoulder and I turn to face the Italian man. He looks my age. He has a sharp jawline, thick eyebrows with a scar running down one of them, and deep brown eyes. His cold demeanor with the Russians before is gone and replaced with a sorry look in his eyes.

"Please," I cry "Please get my baby back," as more tears flow down my face. Although the tears blur my vision, I can see him shake his head no. He sighed and helped me up before walking back over to his car by the building. Crying I can't help and feel so pathetic begging, but this man must have some idea where my child went. "Please, you must know where they have taken her" with his back towards me he continues to walk. Ignoring me. That's what he is doing. I'm getting nowhere and all I want to know is where they took her. He exhaled deeply before turning around and placing his hands on my shoulders and looking in my eyes, "forget this night." What? "Forget this night, you are lucky they didn't kill you and your child on the spot. I'm sorry, but you will never see your daughter again. That I can promise you." At hearing those last few words, my eyes fill up with tears once more.

"Please," I beg. All I have been doing is begging, but like before it gets me nowhere. He looks at me once more before grabbing my wrist and leading me towards his car. Opening the door, he motions for me to go inside. Is he taking me to my daughter? Complying I get in and slowly regain my composure as I wipe the tears off my cheeks. As he gets in the car, he exhales deeply and asks "where do you live?"

Disappointed, I gave him the address a block away from my real one. He nods and starts the engine. I look out the window, sniffling and tears streaming down my face, his car pulls over at the place I gave him. As I grab the handle, he grabs my wrist and looks at me while I look at his hand on my wrist, "what transpired here tonight cannot go to the police. You will not go to the police and fill out a report. That report will go into the system and they will find out I left you alive, and once they learn your name they will finish the job, and kill you."

I scoff and look him in the eyes, "I don't care if I die, I want my daughter back." Although he has been more gentle with me compared to those men, I can't help but sound harsh and stern. I have nothing but disgust for those men. He sighs, breaking eye contact and I free my wrist from his grip. It isn't until he takes my grip back before he speaks again, "I didn't kill you because I want you to live. You need to live for your daughter. I'm sorry about her, but you have to live with the fact that you'll never see her again. As for the reasons you were at the building, you will never go there again. If they were to see you there again, they wouldn't hesitate to kill you. So please, don't look for your daughter, don't go back there, and forget this night. I need you to live. Live your life." With that, he frees my wrist and I walk out of the car. Closing the door, I watch as his car drives off down the road and turns the corner before running down my block with tears streaming down my face.

As I enter my home, I lock the door behind me before I slump down and cry even harder. With my knees to my chest, my breath is unsteady, my cheeks are flushed, and I am a sobbing mess. As I cry remembering the moments I had with my daughter hours ago, I feel as if I'm back to being left with no one.