Resurface

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As she lets the hot water pierce her tense back, her mind of Will soon faded, the past that she fought so hard to forget resurfaced in the most unexpected raw way. Anger. All the anger and disappointment she held towards herself was now directed towards Will. She remembers the power she held holding the gun, the anger she felt. Revenge, a feeling so powerful it clouded her mind, made her do something she would never do with a clear head. Kill. And then the disappointment began to sink in. She realized the longer that she stayed here in this place, the more she was facing her demons differently. She approached them, rather than run away and it was all because of Lorenzo. This new found change, this approach had her wondering whether it was really good for her. If Lorenzo was good for her...

She couldn't help but think back to the kiss.

Her first kiss, the kiss that left her hungry for more. She wanted to feel Lorenzo's lips on hers, his tongue exploring her in a way she hadn't even imagined. She was feeling all these emotions through one kiss. Above all, she couldn't stop how she felt about Lorenzo. The most safe and sound she's ever been in her life. It really did seem as if life for her was getting better, but she couldn't help but feel guilty that Lorenzo didn't know about her daughter. She wanted to tell him, but would he look at her the way she saw herself? A failure. He didn't see it that way with Will, reminding herself. And that split thought, that simple reassurance she decided she would tell him, when the time was right of course. However, she didn't want to get ahead of things, what if it was just a spur in the moment. Then why would he ask? Again, the mind wanting more for her in life, the part of her that didn't want to die was speaking louder and clearer than ever. Why would he ask? Because he's a gentleman. Or because he genuinely cares. As he's told you.

A smile evident on her face as she walks toward the kitchen and the hope to see Lorenzo grows. Disappointed, she sees he isn't there, so she settles on baked salmon, rice, and vegetable stir fry. Cutting up the cabbage, she finds herself thinking of Lorenzo's kiss again. Her first kiss. Her only kiss. Just the thought alone, she found herself humming a familiar tune. A tune she hasn't hummed in so long, what felt like ages ago. The same tune she sang for her daughter. She remembers the way Aurora's eyes would light up and how she would giggle. Anastasia tears up, putting the knife down as she cries softly to herself, careful making sure no one hears her. The huge house alone is enough to make her feel lonely again. And slowly but surely the demons she tries so hard to hide, the ones she tried to fight, creep inside her thoughts. The need for pain resurges clouding her mind of the blissful moment. Only Lorenzo had the power to make her forget how much pain she needed. Shaking her thoughts, sniffling, she cuts the cabbage, onion, and begins to add oil to the hot pan. Sizzling, she feels the heat and puts in the vegetables. Making the food as fast as she can to avoid Lorenzo, she sets aside the food no longer feeling hungry.

Going back to her room, she looks out through the large windows and sees the night sky showcasing more stars then she's ever seen. So many wishes to be made, but that's all they are, she reminds herself. Wishes and nothing more. The hope, the wishes, all of it useless. The pain burrows its nest near her heart, as she sits by the edge of the pool and cries. She wants so badly for everything to go away, but his voice is enough to pull her back,  "live for yourself." She remembers the pleading look in his eyes, his hoarse voice flooding with beseechment. She knew he wanted her to live, and a part of her wanted to live as well. She wanted to feel the blissful moment of his lips on hers. The way his voice reverberated through her body. A stranger who could make her forget all the guilt. Only he wasn't really a stranger, he was Lorenzo, the only one that's made her feel and forget...


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