Raison D'être

Percipient

Anastasia

The next morning I am hesitant to go down. I want to see Lorenzo, but I don't want to answer his questions. The aroma of turkey bacon cloud my thoughts, as I am surprised to see Lorenzo making breakfast, "you're up."

I hadn't realized I said my thoughts aloud until he responded "I couldn't sleep last night." He sounded dejected and now that I look at him, he looked the part as well. I didn't like seeing him like this. And maybe I'm looking too much into this, but he hasn't looked at me once.

"Oh, well you could've woke me. I would've made you breakfast, or tea even, to help you sleep."

"No, it's fine," as he still looks over at the bacon, not sparing a glance at me. "Look Anastasia," he says, putting the turkey strips onto a plate. I put a paper towel on top for the grease and he finally looks down at me, his striking green eyes suck the breath out of me as I give him my sheepish smile.

He smiles back continuing, "I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry for pushing you to talk about something you clearly weren't comfortable with. The last thing I wanted was for you to feel uncomfortable around me. And about Andy, I'm sorry she was intrusive with all her questions-"

Interrupting I urge, "no Lorenzo. It's alright. As for last night, it's water under the bridge. If anything, I'm sorry for keeping things from you. I just- I'm not ready to talk about it yet. But thank you. For understanding." For everything.

He nods his head, "you want some of the rice from last night, I turned on the rice cooker?"

"I would love that." He smiles, putting the steaming white rice on my plate.

"You know I should be doing this Lorenzo..."

"I don't mind. Besides, it can't hurt to be treated once in a while."

"It's nice, but it's my job."

He sighs, "Anastasia, about that. Last night you said you wanted to go to college. That you're saving up. I could help you out with that-"

"No," it comes out harsher than I intended. "I mean no thank you. You have already done so much, please."

"Fine. But what would you want to study, anything that piques your interests?"

I laughed, knowing I sound like a broken record, "architecture."

He laughs, "I knew it."

"What about you? Is business what you wanted to do?"

"Honestly, no. I never had the time to truly think about what I wanted, not when I was train- I mean pushed into the family business."

"Now it seems you have all the time in the world. What comes to mind?"

"I-" he stops and I watch the way his brows raise as he looks off into the distance, before finally saying "nothing. Honestly. I think I'm content where I am."

I smile, "so am I."

He looks at me letting out a sigh, "Anastasia, a maid for the rest of your life?"

"The pay is great, but you're right. With your generous amount, I'll be able to save up, move out and go off to college."

"Move out?"

I laugh, "yes I'll have to eventually. You have your life, and I have to rebuild mine."

Without me, the thought crossed both their minds and dimmed their mood, but neither said it aloud. One afraid to confess and one afraid to feel.