Raison D'être

Temptations

Anastasia

After my heart to heart with Lorenzo, I realized how much of an effect he's had on me lately. Whether it was the early hours of the morning, the cold feeling of his empty side of the bed, cooking breakfast, cleaning up around the house, even going for a run to try and clear my head of Lorenzo, Lorenzo was on my mind. I wanted to know his thoughts, his values, even just see the way his dimples would form after I do something to make him worth showing me. I found myself missing his touch, whether it was a kiss or a long hug, or even the sinful pleasure my body had grown to crave, I missed him. I've always thought about him, but lately the feelings have been times ten, and there's nothing I can do to stop them.

I don't think I want them to stop anyway because after all these years, I didn't think a man would be consuming my every thought.

Even now as I attempt to make this cranberry sauce that Chiara had found on the internet, my mind is wandering off to the man upstairs in his office. He had been home the last two days after our discussion, and I think that's what I come to appreciate most about Lorenzo. He listens to what I'm saying and does something about it without making me feel guilty. Yes, I still may not see him at night, but at least knowing he's safe in his home, that his presence is near, I'll take what I can get.

"Anastasia let me taste-" Chiara asks with her hand out for the spoon

"Hmm?"

She rolls her eyes, "Ughh, if you want to see him go. You've been tapping your foot for the past hour and it has been getting on my nerves."

I smile lightly "sorry."

She waves her hand off, "don't worry about it. If anything I find it cute. Now go, but come back down so I can give you the verdict."

I've never scrambled up these steps so fast in my life, but as I find myself in front of his office, I take a moment to catch my breath. I don't know why I'm nervous to see him, the jitters travel all over my body as my mind screams go. Knocking on the door lightly, Lorenzo utters a come in.

I walk in and see his desk is filled with more papers than usual. He leans back in his chair, arms rested on his sides with a glint of a smile on his face. "You know tesoro, you don't have to knock."

I smile right back sitting in the chair placed in front of his desk. "You'd be surprised because a part of me was hesitant to knock- to even come in." I confess fiddling with my hands.

It's quiet for a moment so I look up only to find him leaning forward on the desk looking at me intently. "Tesoro, I-" he looks in my eyes trying to form some words of assurance, but I just have to say what's on my chest.

"Lorenzo I don't know why but I've missed you these past couple of days. Really missed you. And I know we talked about this, and you've moved work inside the house, and I feel terrible for that already, and I don't really know what's wrong with me but I miss you. I miss talking to you, seeing you, hearing you. I know we just started this relationship and I've mentioned this many many times before but I'm new to this. And I know you've never said you've been in a relationship but I imagine you've been with someone. So I'll just go ahead and ask, is this normal? This constant feeling of missing somebody who is already yours?"

I looked up at him from my rambling to see him looking at me, his eyes softened. "Sorry for rambling" I sheepishly smile.

He chuckles, "a mia meta you never have to apologize for saying how you feel or what's on your mind-," he gets up from his chair and comes around his desk, only to lean back on it in front of me. "If anything mio amore, I know the feeling you're talking about. I've never felt it with anyone else but you." I look up in his eyes as he confesses. He grins playfully, "and although I may have been with someone, I've never loved them. You're my first love tesoro. You're my a mia meta. And I'm sorry if I've made you feel neglected these past few weeks. With my family coming, it has only added more to my plate, and you-" he holds my face gently, "you have been nothing but helpful. The sweet serenity to the torment of my mind." I hug Lorenzo as I am blissfully content with his confession.