Raison D'être

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Hi...

I feel like utter crap for leaving unannounced for what felt like ages. I have no valid excuse, none other than simply life got in the way. It still continues to get in the way... If anything this is just a heads up that I will release the next chapter, after I edit it of course. I hate releasing my work unedited, it needs to be perfect for you all. I will finish this story. There is no question in that. I just need some time for some things in my life to clear up. And I'm sorry if you recieve notifs, to even get your hopes up... I will, this week post the next chapter. But I just wanted to say thank you to you all. Each and every reader. To even see that my work is even reaching an audience, it's just- leaves me speechless.

But to get a little of my perspective, this is my real, raw, unedited thoughts. My voice to you:

An idea for a story dawned on me the whole month of July, until one day that whole story changed and another popped in my head and stayed. I could not get the story out my head, mostly due to the fact that I have shared the experience with the protagonist myself. I spent the entire summer of my senior year (2021) depressed at having to relive such thoughts and so my mind created a story. A better alternative. Though, thinking now, a more creative outlet to my pent up memories.

On July 24, 11:15 pm I created a google doc planing for the outline of the story. Still unsure whether I wanted to do it, I left the doc blank. By July 25, 12:07 am I had the first four chapters outlined.

Too excited for the potential of the story, I did the actual writing: bringing my character to life.

On July 27, 12:20 am I created a doc for my story. 12:48 am I had most of chapter one written, and by 1:50 am chapter one was completed. The hardest chapter for me, having to relive a fragment of the trauma all over again. And even the research going behind it, reading up and wathcing people recount their experiences, it was honeslty something I wanted to convey. No exaggeration, just the raw experience. What would follow after was more and more research on how these people seeked help. I never sought help... so I wondered what that would look like for me. I ended up just sticking to writing and I would go back to that doc another 5 times, no exaggeration. And chapter 1 and 2 were complete.

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to publish my work on this platform, due to several issues of plagiarism. The mere thought of someone copying my work hurt me to the core because as I said some of the things that have occurred have happened to me. So really this was just my diary containing some of the feelings I've felt in my darkest moments.

On July 30, I published chapter one and just crossed my fingers.

And I got a reader after a couple of days. One reader was enough to keep me publishing this story, sadly I will never know the name of this person. I checked and checked every day for something, until I decided to just let whatever happen happen. After checking a couple days later there were six readers on my greeting and chapter 1. But then the number of readers dropped and I was left with one. I still wrote the story because at the end of the day it was for me. It is my passion, and although I'm not going to college for this, I just wanted to feel what it would be like to put my work out there and receive something back.

That's how it started.

Curious to see how it'll end...

All my love to you❤️