Raison D'être

Dysphoria

Lorenzo

If there was a word for what  I was feeling, it would be unsettled. In the worst possible way. She went from a relaxed to cold in an instant. Her sudden mood switch at my mentioning of the future. The light-hearted talk was what I was going for and without a doubt failed. I had to think over the few moments I had with her to make sure I was never inhospitable. I wasn't. In fact, I was anything from what I usually was when I was with her. 

With her, my goal-driven mind was ruptured and I for the first time in years was relaxed. I trusted her without background, I sympathized with her from the few notions I came up with. I was giving her what I gave no one other than my blood. Humanity. While I gave the rest of the world the Don of the Amoretto Mafia, I was a new being with her. Rather, someone I buried deep after being given this life. This side of myself came to surface whenever she was around and there was not a being in my body that tried to whelve it. The good kind of unsettled she left me in; the state of chaos that my driven mind had strayed from in her presence. There was this calmness to her that my cold demeanor craved. Even worse when she looked flustered around me, the way her cheeks blushed, her giggle, or even her shy smile affected me in ways I have never experienced. Emotions I have never felt, but wanted to feel more of. What the fuck is happening to me?

Thank you for reading :)

I'm sorry for the short chapter, I was editing the last one and now this as well. Today was not the greatest of days for me, but posting this for those of you reading makes me feel better. Also thank you, yes you, the one that is voting. You know who you are ;)

Thank you all so much for the reads and the votes.

Much love 🧡,

The author