Raison D'être

Night Visit

Anastasia

Lying in bed, I can hear Andy laugh. Lorenzo is funny and charming, and they probably got the chance to have a real date, with the candles I set up. I cringe at the mere thought. This unsettled feeling grows, but what's even worse is the pit of disappointment I have. I am upset with myself for not telling him the truth. I hate having the walls I built, and I hate not letting people in, something my mind and heart so desperately crave. But despite the hate for my walls, I do nothing about them because they are all that protect me. And the last thing I want is for him to see me differently.

Hours have passed and I am still awake. I had heard Andy go home, the front door close, and then silence. I stare at the ceiling fan, spin round and round as I focus on the silence that only happens at night. The crickets chirping, the pool burbling, and the wind that makes the trees rustle all alone without the busyness of the day to interrupt. A knock on the door is what snaps my focus, as I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep.

I feel someone hovering over me. Afraid to reveal that I am in fact awake, I continue to act like I am sleeping until I feel a finger brush strands of hair off my face, and his deep voice, "a mystery you are. Voglio saperne di più, ma non mi lascia entrare." [I want to know more but you just won't let me in]

Instantly recognizing the voice, I continue to pretend to be asleep, hoping he won't hear my heart pounding or see the way my body shivers at his touch. He lets out a sigh before the dip softens and the door closes softly.

Opening my eyes, my mind traces back to the feeling of Lorenzo's finger on my cheek. I drift off as fatigue overcomes my body, replaying the feeling of his touch. No nightmares come.

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