Hide & Seek ➤ Taekook/Vkook

Chapter 12

𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝑰 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒈 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆,
𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏,
𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒆, "𝑬𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒌𝒆,"
𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆,
𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑰 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅, 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆.

*****

The answer was : a lot.

'Cause all his life Jungkook had thought-...no, he had known (emphasise on that as much as possible) he was straight. Whatever was happening to him lately was all so very new to him and he didn't know what exactly to do about it. He was used to getting shy around girls, used to wanting to be a perfect, nice gentleman that girls would like, used to writing songs dedicating it to some imaginary 'she'.

He was used to dating Lisa, a girl.

He wasn't used to picturing doing things with another guy, he wasn't used to having dreams about another guy, wasn't used to feeling things for another guy.

He had never had to question his sexuality before...forbye that one time when he had been forced to do so as he had publicly complimented his high school PE teacher for having a great well-built physique.

He would never forget that period from his freshman year - how the whole class had broken out calling him 'homo', 'fag', 'sissy' and whatnot. Girls had started acting like he was some piece of trash, while boys had started making fun of him in the hallway, writing disgusting things about him on the walls of the boys' toilet.

Even his 'friends', instead of standing up for him, had distanced themselves from him, had stopped hanging out with him, had stopped sitting next to him in classes, had started abruptly stopping their conversations whenever he would come to sit with them in the cafeteria, clearly telling him with their facial expressions that he hadn't been welcome there. Jungkook didn't know whether that was because they had wanted to save their asses from getting bullied for being friends with him, or because they had been scared he thought of them in some other way than just friends.

It had all been like a waking nightmare for a whole month, just like he had seen in movies, except back then, he had had his own feet tumbling due to the belittling pushes on his body, had felt his own chest tightening seeing the students laughing at him and the tears that he had hid from his mother had been his own.

Well, time had eventually sorted everything out as people had found new, more interesting topics to gossip about. However, Jungkook had never understood why giving a casual compliment to his teacher had been made into such a big deal. Namjoon, who was gay himself, had thought it was nonsensical. The hyungs had tried to make Jungkook understand that highschoolers acted baseless sometimes, but oh well, it had been four against forty. Jungkook's classmates had done a nice job at shoving the fact in his head that nobody wanted him to be appreciative of another guy. They had made sure he never dared look that PE teacher in the eye anymore, because being a straight guy, he wasn't supposed to look at another guy like that or compliment them. Doing so would be 'gay' of him.

Even though he never thought being gay was wrong, he had gone by the unwritten rule, because the situation had been bad and he hadn't wanted it to get any worse. He hadn't wanted people to desert him, especially for something that wasn't even true. All he had ever wanted was to be accepted everywhere, admired by everyone, loved by his elders and looked up to by his juniors; be the perfect guy.

And after five years of trying his best to mould himself into such perfection, just the way everyone liked, a single week under Taehyung's influence was making his insides falter drastically, as if Taehyung was aiming straight at how to crush down the wall he had so patiently and carefully built around himself.