As we approach the town center, Ali drops her speed and I can hear the other girls again.
"But I thought you were after Soren," Emi continues, clearly adding to a conversation I've missed the first half of. I peak at them through the rearview mirror and hope they don't catch on to how intently I'm listening.
"I was, but he seems like a boyfriend kind of guy. I want a fling, not a promise ring," Tess replies. She's flipped her sunglasses off her head and onto her face. Her hair is being perfectly blown backwards by the open roof breeze. Meanwhile, I'm struggling to keep a handful of hair out of my mouth. How does she do it? Look perfect all the time, I mean.
I watch Annika's face as it turns quizzical and slightly defensive. "And Connor isn't boyfriend material?"
I don't blame her for asking. Our friend group is so tight-knit that it feels wasteful for two members to hookup without the intent of a relationship. If sex is all they want, they should find strangers and not risk the group dynamic.
Tess shrugs. "He could be. I mean, he's great and so is Soren. But Soren seems like a lifetime kind of deal. Like a 'let's do long distance and name our future kids' type situation. And we all know how commitment works out for me." It's true. Tess has tried multiple monogamist relationships, but she always gets bored while they fall in love and it always ends with Tess breaking a heart. She even cheated once, but does it really count if we only 12 or 13? I glance at Ali to see if she's listening in, too, but she's busy with trying to find a parking spot.
"I don't know how you bounce from boy to boy. I wish I was like that. I always get too attached," Annika says. Emi nods in agreement as Ali finally pulls into a free parking space across from the restaurant.
"You don't wish that. You guys are much better people than I am. Sometimes I forget I'm dealing with people. I can't tell when they like me too much and end up going in too deep." Now Tess has everyone's full attention. It's not like her to admit her faults, and when she does, it's usually prompted by alcohol. We sit for a moment, all searching for the right thing to say.
It's Ali who speaks first. "You're not a bad person, Tessi. Do you think we'd be friend with you if you were? No boy is entitled to your loyalty automatically. But you better believe your friends are."
"S'not your fault your irresistible," Emi says and tickles her side. Tess laughs and the somber mood is gone.
"Jeez, what a lovely conversation to have pre-caffeine," I say sarcastically with a smile.
"Yeah, really, what's next? A deep philosophical conversation about the human condition?" Annika jokes. We all laugh and shuffle out of the car. I end up next to Tess as we cross the road.
"Honestly, you're not a bad person. You're not required to reciprocate the feelings people throw at you. And you're allowed to break up with people," I say quietly so only she can hear me.
Tess gives me a heavy smile.
"And the same goes to you, Mariella. Noah doesn't have to be end game. We won't hate you if you break up with him. We can all still be friends either way."
The statement catches me off guard and I can feel my jaw drop a little. My breathing becomes jagged. It's not that I think my friends don't notice when I'm a little off. But how obvious am I being if everyone keeps assuming my relationship is garbage? Are people asking Noah why I seem down and that's why I didn't get a text today? Or maybe my anxiety is just making up a big mess. By the time I've even begun to think of a response, we're entering the brunch place. Does literally everyone here know how much I've been doubting my relationship? I hope it's just one of those times where Tess is unusually perceptive. I'm not ready for the whole group to know my relationship business. I'm still figuring out how I feel and where to go next.
The boys are already inside, seated at a large booth that's big enough to fit all of us. We wave off the hostess and gesture towards the table as we make our way through the restaurant. Well, restaurant might not be the right word. It's more of a beachside diner. I look at Tess again as we're sitting but she's already preoccupied with sneaking Connor some looks. I look back at the table and feel my eyebrows knit together. I use my pointer and middle fingers to forcibly straighten out the crease that has formed between my brows. Sometimes when I focus for too long, the line between my eyebrows stays all day. The waitress comes over and I order hot chocolate despite it being 85 degrees outside. Coffee would just make me feel nauseated right now, but I want something warm and comforting.
The hot chocolate comes next to many mugs of coffee and cups of ice water. I thank the waitress and clutch onto the handle tightly. The first sip burns my throat, but I don't mind. Tess's statement was so simple and minuscule, but I can't stop thinking about it. I'm always blowing the smallest things out of proportion. I drag my eyes around the table, taking in the conversations around me when I notice a similar mug to mine. Soren ordered hot chocolate, too, but unlike me, he is wise enough to wait for it to cool. I catch his eye and he sends me a small smile and a wink. A hint of embarrassment is still in his eyes. It makes me feel powerful rather than self conscious like I would've thought. I made this guy blush. I smile back and take a long sip of my scalding hot chocolate.
YOU ARE READING
The Beach House
Romance--completed- Mariella looks forward to going to the beach house every single year. She's gone with her friends for as long as she can remember. The same people, the same house, the same summer feeling. But this year something's different: her boyfri...
