The Beach House

Chapter 33: I Hate Confrontation

            I stare in shock. My stomach aches as my body reacts to his face.

             Noah.

            I don't understand. How is he here?

My brain scrambles to find its next move, but comes up empty. I feel a spot of warmth nudge my pinky and it breaks my stare. I look back to Soren, who's nudged me in confusion. I wish I could tell him. I wish I could explain exactly how i'm feeling. I plead to him in my mind to read my thoughts.

             And it works. Soren tenses as I watch his gaze flick to Noah and back, knowingly. The urge to take his hand is strong, but I push it away. This is my problem and I have to face it alone.

           "Mariella."

           His voice is layers of ice wrapped in a soggy blanket. So he's pretending nothing's happened. Noah starts towards me as I look at my friends. They seem confused at my behavior. So he hasn't told them. Good.

             I look back to Soren as Noah wraps me into a stiff hug. I keep a calm composure for my friends sake, but my body is aching to get away from his touch. Soren watches Noah with a steel-like glare. I wrap one arm around Noah's back briefly before peeling away.

           "Noah," I say. My voice sounds robotic, emotionless. "What are you doing here?" I meet his eyes with a blank face.

           "I wanted to surprise you." His voice is equally as toneless, but his eye twitches slightly, exposing his hesitation.

            "I'm Mariella's boyfriend, Noah." I cringe at his words and watch as he extends a hand out to Soren. I can't tell if he's just saying that because everyone is watching or if he actually believes he's still my boyfriend.

            "Soren," he replies, stonily. He doesn't return the handshake. I wonder what Noah makes of that. The expression on Soren's face is tense. If looks could kill...

            I glance back at my friends and provide them with a weak smile. This seems to be the reassurance they've been looking for because they turn back to their own conversations. Except Ali. I can feel her eyes on me, even as I turn back to Noah and say:

            "Can we go outside for a second?"

             Noah nods and starts to head out without waiting for me. Soren shoots me a questioning glance and I can tell he's wondering if he should come with me or not.

            "I'll be right back. Talk to Ali or something," I say as optimistically as I can manage. He briefly touches my shoulder before walking over to the group. I watch him for a second. The graceful way he walks, the confidence in each stride. I mirror his confidence as I turn towards the sliding door that leads to the conversation i'm not ready to face.

                            ***

           "What the actual fuck, Noah," I say as soon as the door is closed behind me. Noah is down the stairs, on the beach, the exact place I was so happy just moments ago. I take the steps carefully, one at a time, as I approach him. I leave plenty of space between us for good measure.

Noah doesn't hesitate in closing that space and planting a forceful kiss. The pressure he pushes on me feels like it could bruise. His lips taste like alcohol. I cringe and pull at his hands which are on either side of my face until i've managed to get away.

"What are you doing?" I wipe at my lips, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I make sure he's far enough away that he can't touch me. I feel anger building in my stomach.

"Mariella, I'm so sorry. I've missed you so much. It was an accident. A mistake. You gotta believe me," he says desperately. His face is contorted into an expression of pain. I look at him in disgust. I can't believe I ever trusted him. "She was nothing. You're everything. Please listen to me."

  "An accident? You accidentally cheated on me?"

"You have to believe me," he pleads while ignoring me question. "It was a mistake. I love you. Please."

"I don't have to do anything." I try to lace my words with poison. I hope they hurt.

Noah looks me in the eyes and I can't move. It's like looking at someone I know so well through a distorted glass window. Rage mixed with pity bubbles over.

"You cheated on me. Then I ask you to not contact me. So you decide to come here? Where all of our friends are? It's bad enough you fucked some other girl, but you can't even respect me enough to listen to me. I don't want you here, Noah."

              "Mariella, I told you, I'm sorry! It's just that you've been so distant lately and I was lonely."

              "Oh so it's my fault you cheated? Of course! How could I forget?"

              "No, that's not what I'm saying! I was lonely! I came here for you!"

              "You didn't do this for me! You didn't cheat because I did something! You cheated because you wanted to. You're here because you want me to forgive you so you can feel better about yourself. But you're not listening. I don't want you here, Noah."

"Of course you want me here! I'm your boyfriend! I came here to fight for us. Can't you see that?"

"You're not my boyfriend. I don't want you here," I repeat.

I put force behind my words to make sure he understands that i'm being serious. I don't want him to fight. I want this done.

I wrap my arms around me to shelter me from the night breeze as he stares at me in silence. I watch as his expression starts to change from desperate to angry. I take a step back.

"You don't want me here?" His sudden anger shocks me and I freeze. I wonder quickly if he registered the fact that I said he's not my boyfriend. I really don't know if i can say it again. Not when he's like this. I'm scared. I've never been scared of him before. Not until now. He closes the distance between us and puts his hands on either side of my arms. He squeezes. Hard. It hurts.

"You don't want me here," he repeats, his face turning red. He looks so angry, i've never seen anything like it.

"You've never respected me. Never," I say quietly. He wouldn't hurt me. Would he?

"Mariella, what the—"

His tone is scalding before he cuts himself off. He slowly releases me and steps back. He inhales deeply with his hands to his mouth. I rub at my shoulders wearily as he paces. My skin feels raw. There will definitely be a bruise. My hands tingle as my blood flow returns. All i want is to run, but my body won't let me. Plus, Noah's in the way of the house and behind me is just sand and water. He turns back suddenly with a resolute expression.

"I'm staying." I stare at him as the words sink in. "I'm staying and there's nothing you can do about it. I won't tell the others what happened, but you can't make me leave. You will forgive me, I promise you that. I'm gonna make it up to you."

He smiles and nods at his plan as he waits for me to say something, but the smile doesn't meet his eyes. A hot tear runs down my cold cheek as I look at the guy I thought I knew. Panic seizes my chest. A little voice in my head tells me to move and I finally listen.

"Fine," I whisper through tears and dart back to the house.