Forever Kind of Love

Prologue

Justin had the bluest eyes, but the special thing was that those eyes knew me. Those eyes crinkled when we laughed together. Those eyes sparkled when we held hands. I loved Justin's eyes and I could see them being in my forever. I could see Justin being my forever. We were young, but it felt right being with him.

That was four boyfriends ago, and now when I think about Justin, all I see is how his eyes wandered when I talked.

Adam had an infectious smile, but the special thing was that he gave those smiles to me. He gave me little crooked smiles and secret grins. Each one felt special and mine. Adam's smiles made me smile and I wanted to keep them forever. It was different this time with Adam. He gave me his attention and always those smiles.

That was three boyfriends ago, and now when I think about Adam, all I can see is his strangled smile following me when I asked for space. His needy smile.

Cato had the perfect voice, but the special thing was the way he sang for me. He sang about falling in love, and that love was with me. He sang about forevers and crooned my name. Sometimes Cato sang just for me, and I heard his heart. Cato wasn't clingy or neglecting. Cato was the one.

That was two boyfriends ago, and now when I think about Cato, all I can hear are the stinging remarks. His whispered curses.

Shane had the most wonderful hands, but the special thing was how he said I inspired him. He sketched me as I napped and painted what forever would look like for us. Shane created beautiful things and told me that I was more beautiful than he could ever capture. He wasn't mean or obsessive or forgetful. He wasn't like anyone else in the world.

That was my last boyfriend, and now when I think about Shane, all I think about are the awkward silences we couldn't fill. The lack of anything in common.