Chapter 7 Jebedaiha
God why have you forsaken me , those words , Jebedaiha had said them , and he had regretted it . Yet it was the first thing , he thought in the morning , probably was also the last thing he had in mind last night . He had promised himself never to drink a drop of liquor"sins of the father may i repent them " he had always said , his father had been a drunkard , violent and dangerous , somehow he would have killed Pezzie after she killed Sarah , preventing the death of his wife , no that thing , that thing wasnt Pezzie ,it was an infected, the government had been right, people turned into beast . He realized that , he didnt understand why or how , and he didnt care , he had a thought for hi son , for Justin . Was his boy safe ? He was in the city , more people , a bigger infection spread , the dabger was greater , much greater , Justin was clever , too clever , even beaten him in games of chess , "every piece matters papa" , he kept saying, he'd manage to survive , but for how long ? How ? If someone could survive it was Justin. No he couldnt worry , he still had much to do here , he had it all and lost some of it , true ,at the very least , he'd still had enough to survive .Jebedaiha had a rough life and an even rougher childhood his father couldnt be trusted for anything at all , his mother a saint but weak . He had to struggled young to make ends meet,it made him stronger , god was testing his resolve ,hed mourn his family , hed never be the same man again , he though sadly, but hed survive as he had before . The emotional pain was so grand , it was hypnotizing him, the only solace Jebedaiha found was slaving away at work , the fear he had was winter , less work , less possibility to busy his mind. That was there and then, he though, his more rational mind , had always made him see past hurdles , he was a contrast with his religious self . He had slave away , for two weeks now, drinking more often than he had cared to admit but he was surviving and that was his excuse , rest was another thing, too many memories in that house , it was haunting him, most night he slept in the barn. He was afraid of that house or what it did to him , he tried to reach his son Justin , call , letter it didnt work or was his son simply not answering . He had made mistake with that one, he had Justin young , he had been harsh , strict and unforgiving but he had a reason , Justin was gifted with a great mind , too gifted, he worked all his life to build his farm , to earn respect his father had lost , Sarah is ... no was a good child, but she didnt have a drive for work and was easily satisfied , he wanted a perfectionist , someone ambitious . Pezzie could have inherited, he would have loved for her to inherited but her boyfriend , now a widower . He smiled briefly ,he remembered the kid ,he was thirteen, when he first met the boy , a good kid fearful of Jebedaiha and his virtue ,but he clearly loved Pezzie enough to face his fear, crazy to think he was a respected doctor now , Jebedaiha had love being a farmer but doctor saved live and he was more needed . He realized , he had made mistake with Justin ,was it too late to gain his trust back ? No, he had the farm and was still in shape enough to take care of it , he had time , he could survive . Weeks went by , Jebedaiha was going insane , the ghosts of his family haunting him everynight, he decided that he had to find Justin ,no matter the cost , he had bagged provision , jerky , jar of fruit he'd load in the old car, she was old that car but she was still usefull just like him . He tried turning on the tv , the radio anything that would prmit him to listen for a camp or a safe place any trace of civilisations, Justin would have chosen strengh in number , has a kid he would even care for his pawn telling his father that they could be usefull, Jeb was always thinking of chess when thinking of Justin , thats was the only time Justin hadn't look at him with resent as a young man . The tv was saying to move to bigger city, but it was a message that was looping again and again , now that was propaganda , as an experience farmer he'd knew the risk of over population , he had been greedy , which resulted in a major loss of beef , cow , even chicken . He smiled , even laughed drunkenly, his son has seen that , cried enough for the lost of his favorite cow, a cow! he'd remembered that fondly . No he needed to find a smaller town , something better , the ideal place would be near a lake , his father was a fisher , he couldnt hold a job much less run a farm , however when he cared enough to come home ,hed bring bags of fishes, enough to last a week , it was either talent or fool's luck .Jebedaiha was shocked , he remembered actually having fun with his father , when they went fishing , he had forgotten these memories, they had laugh , his father would always buy him a cheeseburger and a fries when they went fishing " that way they're no way , you are coming home hungry" , thats the only good memories they had together , did Justin saw him in a similar light? Drunken by his faith ? Time was now of the essence , he'd leave early in the morning . He spent his last night ,staying in his home , played his favorite vinyl , he'd eaten once again chicken parm , it wasnt as good as his late wife would make it, but it was enough to remember he'd even put the picture of his family member Justin included at their respective place ,after the meal was done ,he went to sleep . In the morning, he'd had left alcohol and gas in various piece of the house anything flammable he left behind, it was goodbye too many memories , the possibilities of wanting to go back it was an anchor , the possibilities of doing something else than moving on . He took out his bible , took a good look at it
- You haven't forsaken me lord , you have forsaken this entire world
He took his lighter , lighted the bible on fire and threw it on the doormat of the house, he had even smiled watching it burn
- Love you honey , love you Sarah , I forgive u Pezzie and here i come son .
