Escaping you |EDITING|

27-Atlas

Escaping you

Sadness is a very powerful emotion, an emotion that's nearly Impossible to escape if you fall to its feet.

I would like to escape. That would be nice, I think. I haven't felt truly happy in I don't even know when. There have been moments where I am happy,

Like when I'm with Paige, or Leah, or Everette, especially when I'm with Everette, but I'm just, not happy.

I don't really know how to describe that feeling, the constant emptiness that fills my lungs, the overwhelming, pounding, numbness in the back of my head.

Sometimes I feel so guilty for feeling that way, because I have no reason too, and I have every reason to be happy.

I have good parents, a nice house, an amazing bestfriend, two siblings I'd give the world for, and the best boyfriend I could ever ask for,

So I don't know why I'm unhappy. I lost my brother, that sucks, but it's been months, I should be over it, or at-least be doing better.

But you aren't doing better.

Eli's death is as hard now as it was 3 months ago, and I don't know how to fix it. I tried doing what Everette said, to stop pretending it didn't hurt and instead just let it hurt, but that's harder than it looks.

It worked at first, I let myself fall back into the pit I fell down when he first died, I was unhappy all of the time, but to mention I had absolutely no body to lean on because I was stupid and broke up with Everette. But I realized that's what I needed, I needed to be unhappy.

I needed to feel every bit of pain I didn't allow myself to, and I was, but eventually I just, stopped. I don't know why, but then everything fell apart again. I put up every  wall I tore down and stopped feeling completely , and now I'm here.

The only thing, the only person, only reason I'm still stable is Everette, I don't know why I ever let him go. He's amazing. He's perfect.

I love him so much. So much.

Down bad tremendously.

Hush.

"Baby?" Speak of my favorite devil

"Yes?" He peaks his head in my door and peers inside, spotting me on the bed and coming inside and I pat the open spot next to me.

He lays down beside me and drapes his arm behind my shoulders as we both lay on our backs. I stare up at the ceiling, leaning my head into Everette's side, just under his arm.

I look over at him and his staring at me, admirably, with a snall smile on his face that makes me want to melt. His eyes meet mine quickly before scanning my face, landing on each individual freckle.

He's perfect.

"What are you looking at?" I ask and he lets out a breathy laugh.

"You." He replies softly and turns his head, looking up  at the ceiling.

I lean up, pressing a kiss to his cheek

"I love you." I say and kiss his forehead

"I love you." His other cheek

"I love you." His nose

"I love you." His eyelids

"I love you." His lips. I love his lips. They're very soft.

I pull always and he laughs

"I love you too." He says and I lay back down, tears forming in my eyes.

God why do I always have to ruin the moment. I should be happy right now. I am happy, maybe, I mean everything that I'm doing makes me happy, he makes me happy but I still can't fully be happy.

I still feel so empty.

I try to blink away the tears, trying to stop Everette from seeing but I can't, tears roll down my face and I turn my to the left, away from Everette, which he notices and turns me back towards him

"Atlas?" I bury my head in his chest, desperate for him not to see me cry

It's not like it's any good.

He just wraps his arms around me and rubs my back, he doesn't say anything, which maybe is a good thing. I cry for a minute, not sobbing, just silently letting tears fall into his shirt.

I stop crying and lift my head up, his eyes are shut, I know he's tired.

"I'm sorry." I say and he shakes his head

"You need to stop saying that." He opens his eyes and smiles slightly

"What's wrong?" He asks and I shrug

"I don't know. I would tell you if I did, I promise, I just don't know."

"That's okay." Is all he says, kissing me softly and laying his head back down, closing his eyes again. I love the way he always knows what to say, or what not to. Right now, his advice wouldn't do me any good, but his comfort will, and he knows it.

I lay my head back on my pillow as well, curling up beside him and switching off the lamp beside me.

Everette's breathing steady's and I know he's asleep.

I want to be happy,

I really do.

——————

Sorry this chapter is so short

But ow ouch this hurts

I love Atlas. Atlas supremacy.

My heart aches for her.

Okay that's all.