Escaping you |EDITING|

31-Atlas

                               Escaping you

"Okay okay I got it" I swat Paige's hand away and stand up from the hospital bed, my family's peering eyes on me.

"Jesus guys I can walk I just can't breathe half the time." Leah laughs before my parents glare at her and she covers her mouth, shaking her head at me.

"Baby are you sure you can-"

"Everette Sinclaire if you finish that I will throat punch you."

I gather my stuff from the room, the doctor coming in catching my attention.

"Alright! Atlas, it looks like you are good to go for today, now you can be expecting calls for regular updates and obviously, if you experience any breathing problems or intense pain in your chest don't hesitate to make your way down here because it could be very serious." She says sternly and I nod.

"Will do."

"Take your medicine diligently and as always, we'll call you if we find a heart." I nod and the doctor walks out, leading me to the waiting room to sign some papers. Everette follows close behind me, he has for the three days I've been in here.

I like having his support, his comfort, i just worry for him too. He hasn't left my side since I got here, not one time, he's had to hear what he's described as the most painful words of his lifetime and yet he didn't leave me, not once.

I get it, because if it were him and not me, I'd do the same thing.

Everything just got a little bit harder now, but it's okay, I mean nothings ever easy, and I've never really been a fan of easy anyways.

I don't want to die, I've learned that now. I think for a while maybe I did but I don't, I want to live, I want to marry Everette and go to school and have kids and buy a house and get old and enjoy my life.

I don't want to miss out on those things, and I'm afraid this disorder may make that impossible.

This condition is not always what it seems, I've learned a lot about in the past few days.

Elias was diagnosed when he was 15, which is really young, but what happened, happened. At first he was fine, just checking in with a physician occasionally and taking pills to regulate his blood flow, but it got worse, and eventually the doctors in New York sent him to a specialist here in Portland, explaining why we moved.

This disorder isn't always fatal, and some people can live a normal, long, life with it. Others aren't so lucky. Ive probably had it alot longer than I thought, but because of my panic attacks we practically ignored every symptom.

The irregular heartbeats, the constant fatigue and being out of breath, i always connected it to anxiety, but it wasn't anxiety. I don't really know all of the specifics but the doctor basically explained that a pacemaker won't work for my heart because of it's heart muscle and tissue and lots of other words, beta blockers may make my life longer but it would be less enjoyable, I'd just be weak and tired and I don't want that.

I'm taking my chances on getting a donor heart in less than 12 months because if not, my whole life ends in quite literally the blink of an eye.

Ive been thinking a lot lately, about how I want my future to end up, where do I want to go to college, should I start applying, do I want to get married.

I have my answers. I never did before because I felt like I had all the time in the world to figure it out but I don't. I want to go to Portland university. My brother goes there, it's close to my family, and I just do. I already have applied, just waiting for the results. Do I want to get married? Yes. Absolutely 1000 times yes. But only to Everette. Only ever to Everette.