Start my new life again....

Grieving Time

Did I just growl? I thought.

*****************************

I sighed I tide up my top bikini and sat up, and stuck my tong out at him, he chuckled and stuck out his tong. He waited for me to get up, but I am too lazy.

“I am too lazy to move.” I said about to lie back down but suddenly Jasper pulled me up and I was in his arms. I jumped away from the quick movement by heart just had a minni heart attack. I slapped him arm. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO BLOODY KILL ME YOU CRAZY PEDO!” I yelled, he looked shocked at me.

“I-I am sorry.” Jasper said sounding worried, but then he chuckled. We walked in to the house, I sighed and made myself a coffee.

‘Do you want one?’ I asked though our connection.

“Yes please.” He whispered. I just nodded, I got the milk out of the frig I looked up at the calendar that is on it. Four days until my birthday. It is Solomon’s birthday too. I thought. I feel sick, my stomach dropped.

Pictures of Solomon and how I used to jump in to his bed and we would open our presents together, then later on mum used to sing to us. Last year we went to the beach with some friends and sung and took pictures. Tears rolled down my face.

I ran to the bathroom and vomited. Jasper was close behind, he held my hair and whispered comforting words.

“I am sorry.” I whispered to Jasper. He kissed my head and flushed the toilet and sat me on the bathroom counter and cleaned me up I just sat there I kinder zoned out. Why is he so nice? I probably look like shit. Ahhhhh I want to get out of here I want Solomon! I want my brother! It is my fault! How am I suppose to celebrate our birthday without him? I asked myself. Jasper held my face in his hands, his eyes sad and pleading, he wanted to ask about it but he knew I didn’t not to talk.

“What do you want to do today?” He asked. I looked away from his kind green eyes. I know exactly what I need to do. I took a deep breath, and looked Jasper in the eyes. I think he knew what I needed to do. He nodded and he helped me off the counter and walked to my room.

“Ok. If you need me just tell me. Do you want me to stay?” He asked pulling me in to a hug. I wanted him with me, but I know this won’t be pretty.

          “I need to do this alone. But if I need you I will just use your special connection. I am still angry at you though.” I said in his chess hugging his tighter.

          “I am sorry.” Jasper whimpered. I look a deep breath I let go. I walked to my bed room; I closed the door and let the breath out. I need to face what is going and my emotions now if I don’t it will just build up until all hell backs loos, like last time. I will never do that again. Well I can’t even if I wanted to I can’t ever.  It is grieving time. I walked over to one of my suite cases and pulled out a photo album, pictures of me and Solomon when we where little, his arm around me, we are in our Sunday best church clothes, Solomon in a white button shirt with a dark red tie, with black dress pants and shoes. Me, in a dark red dress with a white trimmings and then black shoes, also a dark red bow in my hair which is out. We are smiling like lunatics. Tears formed in to my eyes. I looked at another picture of Mum, Solomon and I we have our arms around each other smiling. Funny Solomon and I are kinder wearing the same thing as the other picture. Haha. I let the tears fall.

          “I love you both so much, and I am so sorry, it was not suppose to be like this, it should not have turned out this way. Solomon we all know you where suppose to live, your the one who know make everything perfect. I am so sorry. And Mum, I am so sorry I failed you, you told me to look after her and I didn’t I fell asleep, I knew she was small and weak, yet I fell asleep. I should have gotten her to town, gotten her help. But I didn’t. I hope you forgive me. This shouldn’t have happen to you. I am sorry. But I want to say good bye, you will always be in my heart and my mind, you will live with me every day of my life. You both where the most amazingest people I have ever known and probably every will know. I am not going to give up, I am going to live and do the best for everyone. I love you so so so much! I miss you both, My you rest in peace.” I wept. I opened a box and pulled out a picture of Annabella, in her pink beanie.

          “My little baby sister, I am so sorry, I have failed you, I let you down, you never got to see what it is like out in the world, you will never see your first birthday you never got the chance to be spoilt. To see snow or the beach. You never got to live, to be come who you are. And I am so so very sorry. I just want to say that I love you so much my little sister you will always be in my heart and mind and prayers along with mum and you big brother Solomon. I miss you already, love you like crazy little one. Rest in peace Annabella, you were and always will be loved.” I kissed the pictures and sat back and cried, I let it out.

          This might take awhile.

****************************************************   

Heyyyy!!

I am sooo glade that people are liking my book, it makes me happy you have no idea.... well maybe you do, if you are also a writer on here then I guess you know. :) hahahaha.

Thank you!!!!

Please

Comment

and

Vote!!!!!!!!!!

hahahaha <3

I hope you liked this update. :) <3